GameDay: Why Nicholls State will beat Oregon

Posted by Ian Campbell on Thursday, Aug. 29 at 12:00 pm.

**Editor’s Note: Each week during football season we will feature an essay from the opponent’s student newspaper on how Oregon will lose. This week’s edition is from Sean Ellis and Michael Hotard, sports writer and editor, respectively, at Nicholls State’s The Nicholls Worth.**

Sean Ellis- Sports Writer

According to a Victor Flores, we should have canceled our game against Oregon State in Corvallis last season. Fortunately for us, that provides some nice bulletin board material for the Colonels football team to go into Autzen Stadium with the goal of scoring a few touchdowns.

I could invoke the ghost of a certain school from the Appalachians going up north and beating the Wolverines but that’s overdone and boring. The transitive property is fun, though. We have a winning record against Appalachian State, who beat Michigan, who have a winning record against Oregon. Ipso facto, we’re better than the Ducks.

And speaking of mascots, have you seen ours? Old Colonel Tillou favors a zombie. I know most, if not all of you, have seen some zombie TV show or movie. Those things are hard to kill. They just keep coming until they get what they want. Good luck with that.

Besides, we’re long overdue for an upset in football. Hanging our hat on beating Louisiana State University in basketball is nice and all but beating Oregon in football is a reason to party, and no one parties harder than we do down here in Louisiana. An impromptu Mardi Gras in September should be reason enough alone for our team to go up to Eugene and come home with a win.

I certainly wouldn’t mind a parade or two.

Not to mention, I’m tired of seeing that “dey supposed to be SEC” meme. I want a “dey supposed to be Pac-12” one.

Michael Hotard- Sports Editor

Sure the Ducks have Marcus Mariota, De’Anthony Thomas (Black Mamba) and on paper this game should be a no-brainer as to who comes out victorious … think again.

Let me start off by saying that this glamour team has a history of letting down the fans in regards to the BCS title. This year will be no different, except that those hopes go out the window week one when the Colonels upset the Ducks.

Looking at the Ducks’ schedule, Nicholls seems to be the proverbial “tune up” game to start out the year. The off-season for the Ducks has been filled with some drama after getting a slap on the wrist for recruiting violations, no surprise there. This all-hype glamour team worries too much about looking good with their 300-plus jersey combinations.

Good! Overlook the Colonels.

You have Marcus Mariota and De’Anthony Thomas, but we have Beaux Hebert and Marcus Washington. Hebert, who happens to be the son of former Saints quarterback Bobby Hebert, will light up the Ducks defense with his great scheming ability. That’s right, leader of the YouTube hit Colonel Pride by the Weekend Schemers. Cajun Cannon 2.0 also has a great weapon in the backfield by the name of Marcus Washington. Washington who averages nearly five yards per carry without the help of a gimmick offense, like your De’Anthony Thomas.

The Ducks are much better on paper, but to quote the classic movie “Little Giants,” “even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves … one time.”

That one time comes this Saturday. We will then go on to win the best upset at next year’s ESPY awards.


  • sko_ducks

    What garbage writing. That “gimmick offense” is going to trample all over Nicholls crap defense. Our defensive secondary lead all college football in interceptions last year and each of those guys will be back for this year. How the hell are is Nicholls state going to “light up” our defense enough to outscore our outstanding offense and win the game. They’re are no mismatches for you to expose. No schemes to throw our team off. I guarantee Nicholls State will be blown out of the water.

    • Paul C

      Dude, you are embarrassing us other duck fans. This is half tongue-in-cheek. Obviously Oregon is going to win. They were asked to explain why they would beat the ducks and they presented their case and scenario. Obviously they don’t actually, ACTUALLY feel this way. Please stop.

  • MLopez

    I’m not changing my bet based on that write up but it was a good effort. Good Luck!

  • Rocket

    Great bit of satire

  • stumblebee

    Nicholls has been due for a winning record in football for years! This is the year! [lololol]

    NSU! NSU! NSU!

  • Quaxlikeaduck

    Nice article! Good luck!

  • WA Beer

    If they beat us this weekend they’ve matched their record last year! Go DUCKS!!!