Opinion: If you feel troubled by public outbursts of screaming infants, the politicization of pregnancy and mass suffering, you too may be a baby-hater.

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I’ve been an out and proud baby-hater for years. Most people find it funny, like it’s a quirky personality trait. It’s not. My woefully misguided friends can attest to this. They’ll send baby videos and gush in group chats: “Look how cute!” and “I can’t wait until we’re all moms.” I can, Cindy. I can wait. In response, I bombard them with rants about overpopulation and straining resources. The truth, though? I don’t give a rat’s left nut about that stuff. It’s babies that are the problem.
They’re needy and whiney and expensive. They poo and puke and stink. They look like sea lions in an odd, unsettling way. Above all, they are public nuisances. I haven’t been on a plane in years. When people talk about travel, I get clammy and faint. I don’t fear heights or dying in a fiery plane crash or anything that benign; I’m not a coward. What I do fear is hours trapped in coach listening to a baby passenger’s echoing cries.
Hating babies isn’t just taboo, it’s unnatural. We instinctively care for these little gremlins to ensure the survival of humanity. But what if humanity’s survival now demands we kick them to the curb?
Unfortunately, societal norms position starting a family as this ultimate “goal of life.” People want to make the world good for one person: a mini-them. It’s selfish. There are already children, dare I say even babies, who deserve and need a loving family. I admit that adoption is unnecessarily difficult, but how many even consider it as an alternative? And still, the world is ripe with other needs. There are orcas in oceans and trees in forests. There are people sleeping on street corners. Who will mother these parts of the Earth?
Isn’t parenthood supposed to be this ultimate act of selflessness?
Society pressures married couples, and especially women, to want and to have children. In the U.S., first-time mothers average at 26 years old. As a college student, this is terrifying. Most of us are in need of therapy and life skills, not babies. 
They say the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, and anyone who thinks that’s a reasonable amount of power has never seen “Teen Mom.” Two episodes of that and I’m radically pro-abortion. Let’s have more! But seriously, of course I believe a person should be entitled to navigate their own pregnancy. By normalizing not having babies, though, we empower women with the strength to choose abortion, childlessness or other life paths that society currently demeans and even institutionally prevents. Offering enthusiastic support and comfort to those considering abortion could counteract the trauma fueled by pro-lifers.
Pushing for the accessibility and normalization of pregnancy alternatives like adoption and abortion are the antinatalists. Protestors last November wielded posters reading “Stop having kids” and “Birth is an ability, not an obligation” across Agate Street. In Portland, an organization called Stop Having Kids funded three billboards this year with similar sentiments. The group describes itself as “unapologetically antinatalist” and seeks to normalize caring for already existing life in a world that is suffering.
Overpopulation and climate change are particularly hot topics here. A growing population-induced influx of CO2 emissions is raising sea levels, depleting resources and displacing the masses. Some argue the problem’s roots lie less in overpopulation than overconsumption. To that, I argue humans would have more time and resources to practice sustainability if there weren’t conflicting responsibilities, like, I don’t know, raising children.
Whatever way this issue is spun, I firmly believe there are too many people. Not because systemic change couldn’t offer solutions, but because I don’t like people very much and would like there to be fewer of us.
Still, I must admit my convictions have faltered at times. I am an aunt to the two cutest nephews in the world. One has a big, infectious smile and squishy baby cheeks. The other, a goofball toddler, worships this cartoon Catboy. Call me a hypocrite, but I like these babies just fine.
As I pressed the deadline of this article, I began to wonder if it was really a hate for babies I’ve had all these years, or just a deep disdain for the state of the world and, at times, the people inside of it. Babies didn’t ask to be born, endure and bear witness to all this pain and hardship.
Birth rates in America have decreased by 20% since 2007, which many attribute to the economic burden of financially supporting a child. It’s becoming clear that having a baby should not, and can no longer, be a societal expectation. It’s time we all, baby-haters and havers alike, look into ourselves and the world around us and dedicate our time to changing it before bringing more people in.