Grief in different forms is just one aspect of the multi-faceted experience we face as humans. We are tempted consistently by the idea that pushing away pain is the easiest method to solve the issue at hand. In reality, we are not exempt from having these types of emotions. Being happy feels good and being sad feels bad, so it is easy to be caught up in trying to filter through these emotions. As humans, we label certain feelings as “bad” or something to fix, but in actuality, the real solution can be truly embracing the emotions we are feeling. This can go for breakups –– something most of us have to deal with at certain points in our lives. If we allow ourselves to look at the painful situation for what it is, we can truly detach ourselves from suffering. What are ways to cope with a breakup without playing into toxic ideologies about happiness?

You may not have to attend a funeral, but a breakup can be the death of a relationship in itself. Will I find someone new that I have a similar connection with? How long is too long to move on? It is difficult not to compare what stage you’re in with the grieving process to others or your ex. Practicing radical acceptance, which is the ideology to accept the situation as the cards are dealt, is a helpful tool. Cry if you need to or go out with your friends if it alleviates the pain for a couple of hours. At the end of the day, focus on what the emotions are really about.

Being able to label what is ego and what is true feeling is important when dictating your actions. Loneliness or insecurity can be the root of illogical decision-making in order to relieve short-term pain. I’ve experienced pain surrounding a breakup with a person, not because of who they were, but what they represented to me. Ask yourself: Does this person truly have qualities of good character, or do they merely satisfy a need of mine? Is this really about the person themselves –– or about being alone? A concept that was hard to wrap my head around is that someone can have a nice personality but not have good character. It is easy and necessary to look at our actions after a breakup, but it is valuable to examine the quality of the other person.

We sometimes choose the devil we know rather than the devil we don’t know. Staying in a dynamic due to comfortability or fear of the unknown can contribute to unnecessary pain. Going no contact is a great way to step away and truly be comfortable being alone — not making decisions out of perceived safety but knowing your worth and what you deserve.

At every stage of life, we encounter fresh milestones, each presenting a novel array of emotions previously unexplored. With time comes experience, and that can make things a little easier after heartbreak. Life is mostly mundane mixed with happy and sad moments, which is the beauty of being alive. Confronting life with unfiltered experiences has the power to shape you into a more resilient or bittered individual. But the perspective you choose is ultimately yours to define.