Long distance relationships in college do not work out. Period. End of story.
I wish someone told me that when I was a freshman. I wish someone was blunt with me. I once thought that my high school boyfriend was my soul-mate and that we were head over heels in love. I thought that one day we would be married. When I went away for college, we decided to stay together and do long distance. He stayed back in California, and I went up here to Oregon. We thought staying together was a better alternative to breaking up. It was a terrible mistake.
Before I left, I Googled statistics on long distance relationships. My findings were very discouraging.
According to a study from The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, long distance relationships last an average of four and a half months. Also, 40 percent of long distance relationships end. Basically, the statistics were screaming at me, “Don’t do this!” But, I didn’t listen.
I didn’t listen to anyone when they told me that long distance relationships in college just don’t work. I thought that my boyfriend and I were going to be the exception. I remember the looks that I would get from people when I told them my boyfriend was back in California. It was awkward and discouraging, but I would always ignore those pitying looks and those “good luck with that” comments.
We were doing long distance for a while but soon, things quickly went downhill. He was keeping me from going to parties and meeting people because he was afraid I would cheat on him. I didn’t join a sorority because of him. He didn’t trust me, and because of that, I felt like he controlled my every move and I couldn’t do something without asking his permission first. Basically, he was sucking the fun out of my college experience.
I didn’t feel like my happy self. I didn’t feel like my boyfriend wanted me to be myself. I felt like I was constantly on the outside of everything. I was lonely and spent most of my time wanting to be home. I felt like this wasn’t right, this wasn’t how I wanted to live my live. College is supposed to be a time of new-found freedom and figuring out who we really are. Why waste this new-found freedom by being tied down to someone?
I remember meeting other students in my dorm that were also in long distance relationships. None of them acted like they were. They would openly flirt with other people, and to me, their relationships seemed pointless. I judged these people based on the notion that I thought my relationship was better than theirs. But they seemed happy, and I was clearly not.
We struggled through this hard, energy-draining relationship for a year. Eventually, I got so fed up having to deal with the distance and the long nights we spent arguing over the phone and on Skype. It was the beginning of my sophomore year, and I couldn’t stand the idea of spending another year depressed and lonely. So we broke up, and it was the most freeing moment of my life. I never cried over the ending of this relationship with a guy I once felt so committed to, I was too ecstatic for tears. Long distance relationships are time-consuming and just plain messy. I felt wonderful not having that weight on my shoulders. I was happy to finally be who I wanted to be.
I’m sure that there is a way for long distance relationships to work. Hell, I hope that everyone who is in a long distance relationship finds a way to make things work. I’m just saying that when I tried it, it was awful. It takes trust, time, commitment and being good at communication, things I have never been particularly good at. There may be people that are happy in their relationship. I’m just a cynic, and you don’t have to listen to me.
I really don’t mean to be negative. All I’m saying is that most likely, your long distance relationship has a good chance of ending. But don’t worry if it does, you’re not alone.
Bonnie: Experiencing a long distance relationship
Hannah Bonnie
October 1, 2015
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