Falling off a horse never became easy. No matter how soft the dirt was supposed to be, it hurt to hit the ground. I never enjoyed the sensation of hurtling over my horse’s neck or lurching out of the saddle. In my heart, I believed that I had done something wrong and as I gazed up at my horse with a throbbing back, I wondered what I could have done differently to prepare.
For example, one time I hopped onto a little English saddle that sat on my horse’s back. I guided her out into the pasture because I wanted to run her. As a little kid, I dreamed of becoming a jockey and this was how I practiced, but it probably was not my smartest decision.
As I urged her faster and faster, I laughed into the air and felt confident with my skills. That is, until my horse saw something in the trees ahead. She came to an immediate standstill and I somersaulted over her head and landed in a shocked heap in the field. I started crying from the jolt and my father ran out when he heard me. He asked if I had broken any bones or couldn’t move anything. I shook my head.
“Then you need to get right back on that horse,” he said.
I shook my head so hard my brain must have hit the side of my skull. I was absolutely terrified and humiliated with myself. I had failed. But, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and eventually I sat, trembling, on my horse.
If I had not sat in that saddle right after falling, I do not know if I would have continued riding horses. In the years to come I would be thrown into jumps, water, rocks, a variety of terrain. I always climbed back on. Just because I failed sometimes, did not mean that I was a failure. I had prepared for the show and I did know how to ride a horse. Circumstances and luck were simply not on my side.
Failure is scary and it’s never an experience that we become comfortable with. It hurts just the same the 27th time as it did the first time. Fear of failure is natural and can be overcome, but that does not mean it becomes easier to handle. No matter what it is or where you are, failure does not feel good.
However, it can be kept in perspective. Preparation and attitude are two important aspects of failure. With finals squeezing us in a chokehold embrace, we have to remember that we cannot predict every outcome. Some questions are going to leave you shaking your fist at the world and wondering how you missed that one lecture. The only thing you can control is how much time you invest in preparation. Do the practice exams, rewrite your notes, go to office hours and, if you fail, it is okay. Your stomach might sink, but it will not bring the sky crashing down around you.
If we cannot learn how to handle failure and understand that the same queasy feeling will happen each time, then we have failed ourselves. That is the worst letdown. As humans, we will continue to mess up no matter how old we become or how experienced we are.
As I pursued horseback riding over the years, I also continued to tumble to the ground. I never grew to like it, but I finally recognized that I had succeeded even when I fell off because I trusted myself as a rider. I believed that I had prepared and therefore, when I did fall off, I did not beat myself up.