Thumbs up
Chip’s back!
Oregon football head coach Chip Kelly flirted briefly with that bourgeois temptress known as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last night. And by briefly, we mean he spent seven and a half hours twisting and turning Oregon’s fans’ hearts. But he changed his mind shortly after midnight, and so we are once again glad. The one positive we take from this bittersweet moment is that NFL teams are not too keen on coaches who change their minds like this.@@or college ADs?@@
Dry weather

Finally, after what seemed like a million years of rain, the Eugene area dried out a little bit the last few days. The flooding in Springfield and torrential downpour on campus kept most of us inside and depressed all of last week. But over the weekend, a brief window of sun gave us all a little bit of hope. By Saturday night, it was dry enough for girls to wear teensy skirts and guys to wear T-shirts when they stumbled drunkenly around Eugene’s alleys. Hooray!
 
Thumbs down
Chip almost left!
Chip! Don’t do that to us! Not only did you give every Duck fan in the world a massive heart attack, you also single-handedly screwed over every sports reporter and copy editor working on deadline last night. We get it: You hate the media. Do you have to put us through that torture? But we can’t stay mad at you, especially when you declare that you have “unfinished business” at Oregon. Anyone else smell a Natty?
Early GOP primaries
Come on, GOP, Newt Gingrich? We know how much you don’t want to vote for Mitt Romney or Ron Paul, but Newt? Homie abandoned a first wife with cancer and asked his second wife (with multiple sclerosis) for an open marriage (when he found out she had multiple sclerosis).@@what a creeper@@ If your inability to get past Romney’s Mormonism leaves us with Gingrich vs. Obama for all the marbles, we will not forgive you. (“We” does not include us aspiring comedy writers for whom a debate between a-man-named-Newt and Barack Hussein Obama gives us enjoyment.)