Toward the end of “10,000 B.C.” there is a scene in which the camera pans over an awe-inspiring pyramid in the middle of its construction. Thousands of slaves pour over its surface, and dozens of woolly mammoths heave giant blocks up its sides. The viewer is overwhelmed by the size and majesty of it all. It’s a stunning scene.
It’s also the only good moment in the entire movie.
“10,000 B.C.” is a movie so bad you wonder if it’s meant to be comedic. From the atrocious acting to the borderline-ludicrous storyline, there are so many bad moments it’s as if you’re watching a spoof of a caveman movie. Albeit, a spoof with an enormous budget.
The movie tells the story of a young man, played by Steven Strait from “The Covenant,” whose tribe is abducted by marauding slave traders. He then embarks on a quest to save his tribe along with his true love (Camilla Belle), and she brings the lack of talent she showed in the recent remake “When a Stranger Calls” to this one as well.
Along his journey he encounters various beasts, including giant mutant ostriches that were clear rip-offs of the raptors from “Jurassic Park” as well as saber-toothed tigers that magically seem to understand English.
And, as always happens in these movies, he learns that he is in fact The Chosen One who will speak with the animals, free the oppressed peoples of the world and topple the evil god.
The movie’s fault is not that it uses this old and somewhat-tired formula. It’s that it uses it so poorly. It doesn’t really make sense in “Lord of the Rings” that a small Hobbit would be the one to save the world, but we believe it because the book, and the movie based on it, spends enough time convincing us that it makes sense. “10,000 B.C.,” on the other hand, doesn’t bother with an explanation. We’re simply supposed to take it for granted that all these different, and most likely unfriendly, tribes would rally behind this unimpressive and non-intimidating 19-year-old from a weak and defeated mountain tribe.
The film’s promotional campaign relied heavily upon using the director Roland Emmerich’s name. He directed films like “Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow” and has a knack for world-ending destruction. The film’s trailers made it look like that skill will be used to great effect in this film. It isn’t.
His previous films aren’t necessarily good movies, but they are entertaining; he seems to lose that charm in this film. One good scene doesn’t make a good movie. When Emmerich returns to the present day, he’ll probably be worth watching again.
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