Two years plus and still ticking. I am living proof that you can be in college and have a happy, healthy, successful and long-term committed relationship. So, you ask, when’s the wedding?
I don’t know, and please, I’m begging you, stop asking.
There’s a lot of pressure built up behind that question.
It’s not that what you’re wondering is an outrageous question – if this were 1958. Why marry, and more to the point, why marry young?
I could handle this kind of inquiry from a grandparent, even a parent, but it’s actually other twenty-somethings who are so eager for me and my girl to seal the deal. That’s pretty weird.
Of all the explanations, the most plausible is that people *really* like weddings. Everyone loves a party, and a wedding is the ultimate party.
You’re only supposed to be doing this once (although, statistically, that’s a bit of a fallacy), so a wedding is an excuse to go all-out. This is the “happiest day of your life,” after all. If you’ve always wanted to own an exotic animal, or pretend to be a princess, this is pretty much your one chance. For guests, there’s free food and cake, dancing, general happiness and a chance to play dress-up.
What’s not to love?
Turns out, a lot: It’s expensive. It’s exhausting. It warps family bonds. All that negative stuff.
Planning a wedding seems, to me, like the logistical conundrum of the century. You’re trying to be a gracious couple while simultaneously coordinating the actions of two large, extended families, a bevy of personal friends and a flotilla of hired professionals. Building a tunnel under the English Channel wasn’t this hard.
Let’s be clear: I’m not against weddings. Marriage doesn’t need to be off the table, it just doesn’t need to be for dinner tonight.
Why not wait? There’s no real stigma against living as a committed, but unmarried, couple. The economic benefits, though tangible, should not be a deciding factor when you’re making a romantic decision. What makes love so much better when it’s legit?
I’ve heard some people say that a wedding is special because you’re publicly proclaiming your love to your community. I don’t buy that.
I tell people all the time how much I love my girlfriend. I say it all the time: On the phone in the office, when we say good-bye, or in a movie theater. Literally, anytime. I’m sure it gets annoying, but I don’t really care. I mean it.
When people hear me, they smile or they ask, “How long have you been dating?”
And when I respond, they want to know, “When are you getting married?”
I usually tell them I don’t know, but I’m told it will be the happiest day of my life.
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Who needs marriage?
Daily Emerald
May 6, 2008
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