To a social individual, the sight of human interaction is most interesting. I thrill in the excitement of a passionate, engaging conversation. I experiment with variable tones of voice and body language. I am even amused by the experiential discomfort of a long, awkward pause exchanged between two strangers engaged in small talk and perfunctory, clichéd phrases.
I have always identified myself as an extrovert. So when the idea of myself as a socially awkward individual crossed my mind, I was reluctant to accept it as truth to the point of being angrily defensive. Being socially inept, amidst a time where social skills seem to be of the utmost importance, almost seemed like a fate worse than death. After all, isn’t college all about fostering networks of friends in the absence of family? How can I advance in a world where I am unable to manipulate my own social status? Why would the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator lie to me?
It seems to me that extroverts thrive on human interaction, and often wilt in the absence of another. They are outgoing; the social world reenergizes them and they go out of their way to meet someone new. In contrast, introverts enjoy their alone time and have to recharge in their world of self-reflection and thought processes. They find constant interaction with others to be tiring.
The socially adept generally have confidence, or at least they practice faking it. They know how to actively listen, when to start and stop talking, and pick up on cues hidden within the nonverbal. They generally do well in crowds because they unconsciously adhere to social norms regarding their interactions in order to avoid having their social skills being called into question. The socially inept are often identified as outsiders, lacking confidence and often talking in a non-engaging manner, either by failing to contribute to a conversation’s fluidity, to make eye contact, to articulate clearly, or all of the above.
Into which category might you fall? Many identify themselves as either/or. What I wish to know is this: When did the world of socialization become so black and white?
Perhaps identifying yourself as an extrovert mentally inhibits your own ability to really appreciate the time you have to yourself. Similarly, maybe identifying yourself as an introvert prevents you from actively involving yourself in discussions. Could it be that the labels we use to perceive ourselves can be debilitating to who we are as social creatures?
We are all introverted in our own way. As much as some of us might fight it, sometimes we just need to be alone. It gives us the chance to reflect and concentrate our energy on ourselves. Eventually, we all need to retire to a world devoid of small talk and the constant need to articulate what’s on our minds.
Similarly, we are all extroverted as well. There is some part of us that needs social recognition, a chance to define who we are and how we are perceived within the world. Why else would solitary confinement be known as one of the worst forms of imprisonment?
The act of socializing is a double-edged sword. Being among people can be exciting and ultimately rewarding. Sometimes, there is just a natural chemistry that emerges as the result of ideas shared between two people aiming to broaden their own knowledge of one another. Yet, many people find the act of socializing to be exhausting. Small talk is a lot of work, and sometimes, when I am able to identify my undertones of insincerity, it feels wasteful.
It seems to me that everyone is socially awkward in his or her own way. Take the girl who always wants to start a conversation, yet cannot always articulate what she wants to say. Picture the boy who naturally narrates the conversation but fails to ask open-ended questions. Imagine the shy girl who rarely speaks, yet sporadically contributes insights of relevance and substance. Conversely, consider those boisterous individuals who only speak to hear the sound of their own voice.
So maybe being socially awkward isn’t such a bad thing, but an idiosyncrasy of sorts that allows us to deviate from the norm. It doesn’t mean we have to be one or the other. In fact, some of the most well-rounded people I know could never fit into one succinct category. Perhaps, in an effort to understand ourselves, we are simplifying who we are in an attempt to label what cannot be labeled, in denial of the fact that we cannot be consolidated. Our social personalities are far too complex for that.
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