When University senior Whitney Pollack found out her mother’s cancer had returned in 2006, she had just put down a deposit to study abroad in Argentina for 10 weeks during the summer. As she finished up her sophomore year of college that spring of 2006, her family, nearly 600 miles away in San Jose, Calif., struggled to stay strong and fight through the tangled web of chemotherapy, hospital visits and psychological hardships.
“My mom was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia,” Pollack said. “I had already put down the money to study abroad, but it was one of the hardest things I did. But I made some good friends on the trip and really opened up to people. I found a great support network while I was there.”
When she returned to the University in the fall of her junior year, she searched extensively for support groups on campus dealing with cancer. Though she sought professional help at the University Counseling Center, Pollack quietly harbored deeper desires to connect with her peers about what it’s like to live with a sick parent.
It didn’t take her long to realize what she had to do.
Pollack channeled her energy into starting a student group dedicated to helping students whose parents are coping with cancer or other chronic illnesses. The support network aimed to connect students who have ailing parents or recently deceased loved ones.
“I had no idea what I was doing,” Pollack said. “I just wanted an upbeat student group for people whose parents or family members are living with cancer.”
RRC must approve
student groups to
become official
For a student group to become official, the ASUO Recognition Review Committee must approve it. The RRC consists of five voting members and the ASUO vice president, who only votes in the case of a tie.
ASUO Vice President Johnny Delashaw said the first step to starting a student group is creating a roster of interested students. “We want to ensure that the group can stand on its own,” Delashaw said.
Delashaw said the ASUO is working to make it easier for students to start clubs and organizations, and that the ideal student group will cater to students’ unmet needs. “We like diverse ideas and things that the University doesn’t already have.”
By winter quarter of 2008, her junior year, Pollack had gathered a solid group of students to meet and share stories.
“I soon realized I didn’t want to limit it to cancer,” Pollack recalled. “So I expanded it to any illness, not just cancer. It’s really about feeling like you’re alone, like you’re helpless, when your family members are far away and you don’t know what’s going on at home.” With her personal experiences and a strong motivation to put words into actions, Pollack began to form a local chapter of Ailing Mothers and Fathers (AMF), a national support network for University students to come together to offer advice, open ears and a shoulder to cry on.
With the help of her peers, Pollack continued to research the national AMF and how she could get a University chapter officially recognized.
“(AMF founder) David Fajgenbaum contacted me directly and invited me to a national conference in Raleigh, N.C., at the end of August,” Pollack said. “They were very interested in helping us start a chapter at UO.”
Fajgenbaum started the support group after his mother died of brain cancer in October 2004 while he was a student at Georgetown University.
According to the group’s Web site, their goal is “to empower and support all grieving college students across the country by creating other campus chapters, provide grief support on our Web site (www.StudentsofAMF.org), hold conferences on college student bereavement, and host fund raisers.” Fajgenbaum, now in medical school at the University of Pennsylvania, said he enjoys helping students at other campuses start their own local chapters.
While he was still a sophomore at Georgetown, the 23-year-old used to go home to Raleigh every weekend to be with his mother. His friends never understood why he wasn’t around on weekends. Now, it brings him joy that students don’t have to face those hardships alone.
“I learned there was a huge barrier of what was going on at home and the ability to talk to people,” Fajgenbaum said. “Now, it’s so cool to hear that this group in support of my mom has helped so many people.”
Pollack’s longtime friend Phoebe Lev, a University junior, is grateful for the support network that comes along with being part of a national organization, but she believes the Ailing Mothers and Fathers name comes with a string of misconceptions.
“I don’t really like the name because it sounds really down and really scary,” Lev said. “I don’t think of my parents as ailing, My mom’s super strong and charismatic. It was an organization that we could get a lot of support from, but it’s not a bunch of people sitting around talking about terminal illness.”
So far, Pollack said her greatest challenge has been finding students on campus and connecting with those who are grieving. While she generated a substantial list of names by tabling at two University resource fairs, she said the first week of classes hasn’t been the ideal time to encourage students to talk about grieving and loss.
“These first few weeks are an exciting time for freshmen,” Pollack said. “While I was tabling, I could feel the looks. Though it’s important that we’re there as a resource, this isn’t something everyone is willing to deal with.”
Pollack hopes to have the University AMF chapter officially recognized by January 2009. In order to do that, the chapter is coordinating with organizations in the local community such as the local hospice groups and the local Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
Lev said she’s looking forward to having a space to meet with other students and talk about what she’s going through.
“I’m really interested in things you can do to make you feel like you’re helping,” Lev said. “It’s not just sitting around and feeling bad. With cancer, you often feel helpless. So when you can feel you’re doing something to help, it’s great.”
Having peers who can relate to her situation will provide great support, Lev hopes.
“We’re all out here on our own for the first time,” Lev said. “We’re dealing with stuff for the first time as individuals as opposed to with our families. We need that support.”
Bone Marrow Drive Homecoming Weekend
During Homecoming Weekend students can join the Bone Marrow Registry and sign up to serve as donors. Bone marrow transplants can help leukemia patients and people with several other diseases.
“It’s so great for people to know that 10 minutes of their time can save a life,”
Howe said.
Howe said University President Dave Frohnmayer and his wife are very supportive of the bone marrow registration efforts on campus. Two of Frohnmayer’s daughters passed away from fanconi anemia, a disease for which bone marrow transplants are often recommended. Frohnmayer founded the Fanconi Anemia Family Support Group in 1985 to help raise money and awareness for the disease.
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