This is Jontae Grace reporting live on the dismal state of the Love Economy. The value of the girlfriend is falling against the dollar, and soaring gas prices have changed “a night at the movies” to “movie night.” Buyer confidence is shaken as the girlfriend’s stock closed the third quarter at a five-year low, thanks to poor guy selection. Longevity is at its shortest level since the late-’80s. It’s really a 6-month market we’re looking at now, not a 2-plus years one.
Like cars from the 1960s, they just don’t make ’em like they used to.
Overall, love is a shaky investment because of some questionable corporate practices. People have been lending affection without the capital or the courage to back its commitment. Swagger is at record-breaking levels, but inner confidence is sputtering. Respect is at an all-time low and now the nice guys finish last in fact, as well as in theory. Outsourcing of relationships has led to a flooding of cheap “products,” and the Free Trade Agreement among men (and women) has made quantity over quality a way of life. In fact, the FTA forces people to lower their quality standards because of gender ratio imbalance and stiff competition. It’s truly a race to the bottom.
As I predicted, the bailout did nothing but help the same incompetents who got us into this mess initially. You cannot attract love simply by throwing money at it. There must be a structural change in the way we do business with each other. For starters, brutal honesty in your intentions will save MUCH time and effort. I used to pursue mergers until I found out that Grace Inc. was among several others vying for the same contract. The resources and manpower I put into the marketing campaign alone could have clothed a small island. Unfortunately, it placed me in the inescapable friendzone instead. Now, I rely solely on my companies’ reputations for product excellence and market fidelity.
Any analyst with half a brain will tell you that the best time to buy is now, while the relationship market is in shambles. But I say stop trying to leave options open for multiple sources in hopes of hitting the relationship jackpot. You will spread yourself thin and overextend your supply capacity, which is how we ended up here in the first place. Buy from one good business that has stable growth and has shown excellent return on investment. Recent data confirms that your chances of remaining single are HIGHER in large cities and metro areas, not lower. That’s because people in cities lose sight of what is really important in a product, choosing instead to focus on cosmetic features. As your list of superficial standards grow, the eligibility pool shrinks. That’s not to say standards aren’t important, but so is knowing which ones are ultimately irrelevant.
So what’s it gonna be y’all? Better business or another clusterfuck of shady dealings?
Back to you in the studio.
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