I would like to start by saying that I hope everyone had an exciting spring break filled with depravity and debauchery. Those were pretty much my plans, but they started a little late thanks to the good people at San Francisco International Airport, where I had the pleasure of spending an evening.
When I started traveling on my own, my mother gave me an elaborate speech on what to do when things go wrong, which I promptly forgot as soon as she finished talking. So I had to divine my own rules of airport survival which I will now impart to you. You may forget them at your leisure.
1. Don’t get mad. There was a woman next to me at the counter who was bitching and yelling about how she wanted a free hotel room and why she would never fly United again. The manager dealing with her tried calmly to explain how “this wasn’t their policy.” Meanwhile, my attendant finished her work quietly and informed me I was booked on the first flight to my destination and handed me a free hotel voucher for the night.
2. Examine your options. By the time the shuttle to my hotel got to the airport, there were more people waiting than could fit in the vehicle. By the time another shuttle would have gotten me to the hotel, I would have been able to sleep about four hours until needing to return to the airport. Was it really worth it?
3. Scout out a spot. Once I made the decision to stay for the night, it was too late to ask if I could stay in one of the fancy lounges that exist for frequent fliers. In my search for a bench to lie on, it became apparent that there is an intentional lack of airport benches without arm-rests. They do exist, but in sparse numbers, obviously done purposely to irritate me, and to further deprive stranded travelers of sleep, among other reasons. If you are lucky enough to find one, great. If not, welcome to the floor.
4. Don’t mind the noise. Airports never stop. There are always people cleaning things with loud humming machines that will rattle your teeth. The announcements about watching your baggage repeat continuously — although watching your bags is pretty hard if you’re asleep — and people will invariably flock to where you are and create more noise.
5. Don’t sleep too much. If you are a heavy sleeper, it is very possible that you will sleep through your flight the next morning. I set a number of alarms on my Palm Pilot