American flags were held high. T-shirts bearing phrases such as “Austin 3:16” and others showing The Rock’s face were proudly worn. Hard rock and rap blared over the public address system.
There was no doubt about it: McArthur Court was deep in the clutches of “Anarchy at Piper’s Pit.”
The self-billed “biggest night of professional wrestling that the state of Oregon has ever seen” took place Friday, and more than 2,000 adrenaline-crazed fans looked to be having the time of their lives. “Anarchy” was put on by former pro wrestling star “Rowdy” Roddy Piper as a benefit for the University football team.
Scheduled to kick off at 7:30 p.m., “Anarchy at Piper’s Pit” didn’t actually begin until a few minutes after 8, a delay that kept the crowd crazy with anticipation. While the fans were predominantly male, there was an unexpectedly large number of women and very young children.
After an amazingly out-of-tune rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner,” the night kicked off with six 15-minute wrestling matches, led by the “Mad Bomber” versus “Loose Cannon” Kenny Lush. Now, everybody knows that pro wrestling is staged, but these two guys could have done a bit more work on their shtick. The crowd was ruthless when dealing with the inexperienced pair, booing and yelling things such as “You suck!” And worse.
Loose Cannon ended up winning, but it was unclear whether anyone cared.
The audience was much more excited to watch Ultimate Fighting champion Dan “The Beast” Severn take on Big Mike. Uproarious applause filled the room as it was announced that Big Mike was a native of Springfield. Sadly, the local hero was defeated within minutes.
The next match was fraught with controversy, as the star Honky Tonk Man did not show up as advertised. Instead, the crowd was treated to Michelle Star, who was a male cross-dresser in a pink leotard. Star was immediately hated by the crowd and was defeated by Miss Pittsburgh, the only female wrestler of the evening. The match was rife with sexual innuendo, and many angry mothers were seen escorting their young children out of the arena.
The evening really took off when the stars came into play. The famous Sabu stole the show with his amazing backwards flips from the rope. While chants of “Sabu!” filled the air, he performed various amazing feats of dexterity, culminating in his breaking a table in half with his opponent on it.
Veterans Greg “The Hammer” Valentine and “Maniac” Matt Borne were attached at the neck by dog collars and a large chain, and the fight was so vicious that Borne ended up with blood streaming down his face.

But the most excitement was definitely generated by the presence of superstar “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, who entered the arena waving around a gigantic American flag before proceeding to kick the living daylights out of “The Masked Canadian.”
After the regular matches, it was time for the main event: The 20-man “Rumble Royal,” with the prize being a bag containing $5,000, placed upon a pole high above the ring. The match began with former University football star Josh Wilcox taking on Curt “Mr. Perfect” Hennig. Every 60 seconds, a new wrestler climbed into the ring, and before long it was an absolute melee.
In short, everyone was eliminated except for Wilcox and Hennig. Wilcox ended up getting the money, which was quickly stolen by Hennig. However, the room erupted with applause as “Rowdy” Roddy Piper came out and saved the day.
People exiting the building were bursting with excitement about the night’s events.
“I was very impressed. The wrestlers were outgoing, vicious, and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan autographed my ticket. I love him,” said Kevin Merwin, a junior who is double majoring in Japanese and accounting.
“Sabu rocked the house, Sabu stole the show,” said Chris Thorn, a sophomore majoring in computer information science.
Not everyone was as satisfied with the evening, though.
“I’m very disappointed that Honky Tonk didn’t show,” said Kyle Wiest, a sophomore majoring in mathematics. This sentiment was echoed by many other members of the audience.
However, the most telling comment came from an excited grade-schooler who screamed it repeatedly throughout the course of the evening.
“Kick his ass, sea bass!”