Do you think you’re going to be a millionaire? Well, then join the ranks of millions of college students who are disillusioned enough to believe they’ll be living the high life after undergraduate study.
According to a rather official looking survey from JobTrak.com, 71 percent of college students actually believe they’ll be millionaires (and most think that it will happen before they’re 40). I’m assuming the 29 percent of college students that were realistic about their future earnings are ceramics, history and music theory majors, in touch enough with the after-college job market that they aren’t deluded and believing their bank accounts will include seven-digit figures.
Really, it’s no surprise that money is the driving force behind students’ reasons for going to college (or that college warps our view of how much we’re actually worth). With stories of dot-com successes and sensational TV shows that hand away money in exchange for self respect, youth are disillusioned into the belief that acquiring wealth comes easily. Somehow, after scraping our pennies together and begging parents for care packages for a minimum of four years, college students still believe they’ll be rolling in the dough after graduation.

Maybe you really believe you’ll be hobnobbing with Trump 10 years from now. Just in case, let’s break it down — something my parents taught me to do at a young age to curb those “high expectations” and cure the inability to give myself reality checks.
Let’s take our friend Howard (a fictional character, of course; real college students are rarely this on top of it). Howard graduated from our fine campus with a degree in business (because I know all of you business majors think you’ll be making the big bucks). Howard was a good student and actually spent more time studying than guzzling beers at Rennie’s, so he graduated with a 3.5 GPA, helping him land a great job at an established company in Austin, Texas.
Our dear Howard was fortunate to start out with a respectable sum of $38,000 per year, a fortune compared to the minimum wage he earned delivering pizzas to other broke college students. Of course, the first thing Howard planned on doing was treating himself to a new car, since he left his patched-up Volkswagen back in Eugene (where all Volkswagens go to die). And Howard planned on buying the newest entertainment system to spruce up his new bachelor pad.
Then reality sets in. His $3,166 monthly paycheck is actually only $1,995 after Uncle Sam takes out his 37 percent. Howard is lucky enough to have insurance benefits provided by his company, so he doesn’t have to worry that a crazy night at the bar, resulting in having his stomach pumped, will set him back a month’s pay. But he does have to deduct $145 for his company’s plan.
Now Howard is left with $1,850 — a meager amount compared to the original $3,500, but still not bad for a fresh-faced 25-year-old eager to make his mark on the world. Howard still has to pay the rent on his one-bedroom apartment, which though not plush, is in an area of town where he can actually park his car without fear of theft.
The pad bites off a chunk at $700 per month, and an additional $450 goes to electricity (the air conditioner runs 10 months out of the year), cable, Internet access, laundry, phone (long distance to call parents and friends back in Oregon), as well as groceries and household items (hey, even mac-and-cheese costs money).
So Howard is left with $700 per month after paying the basic cost of living. And now, the dream of that brand new Toyota Celica is fading fast — he’s looking at $450 per month for the Celica and full coverage insurance (yeah, because Howard’s not on mommy and daddy’s plan anymore). Instead, Howard pulls out the latest used auto ads and buys the 1997 Dodge Neon from the car lot down the street.
With this “sleek” gas-saving machine, Howard only racks up $375 per month, including car payments, insurance, fuel and maintenance (of course, he’s on the $1 down, $199 per month plan).
So now, lovely Howard is left with just $325 a month. That gives him a whopping $81.25 per week, which has to pay parking meters, parking tickets, lunch, nights at the bar, video rentals, dates, new clothing, trips back home, shampoo, toilet paper, etc. The point is, that $81 is gone one way or the other.
Bottom line: Howard’s $38,000 is higher than the average graduate will be earning, but even with this amount, the lap of luxury is as distant as it was while he was scraping burnt pizza dough off the pans at Track Town.
Oops … we forgot about paying back student loans. Never mind, Howard’s screwed. Better ask mommy and daddy for calling cards and grocery-store gift certificates for Christmas. And by the way, does Austin have its own version of LTD?
Though chances of making that cool million are slightly better than winning Powerball, believing that the majority of us will be millionaires is about as realistic as thinking that Nader has a shot at the next presidency. Sorry folks, but it’s not going to happen. Better reconsider burying your rattletrap Volkswagen after graduation … unless your dream car’s a Neon.