“Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine!” Jerry Seinfeld once proclaimed.
The only time people should put up with an Ovaltine discussion is while watching a Seinfeld rerun.
But most of us put up with annoying topics and chatter, as I did when I listened to an Ovaltine debate in which students discussed an advertising campaign while others tried to study.
Most of us don’t have to hear about Ovaltine on a daily basis, but we do have to hear about topics we could care less about, especially in settings reserved for quiet activities.
Etiquette, especially that of many cell phone users, is one main source of this annoyance.
Whether on the bus or waiting in line at the grocery store, we hear about roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers and weekend festivities.
Suddenly, someone’s private world becomes public information.
I, for one, don’t have to worry about annoying anyone.
Maybe I’m a private person. Maybe I just don’t have enough friends. Maybe I’m always at home. Whatever the case is, I don’t have a cell phone.
When I get the question “What’s your cell?” and respond with “Ummm, I don’t have one,” the other person looks shocked. It’s as if I just mutated into a monkey and threw poop on his or her shoes. I’m instantly some kind of weirdo.
“How do you live?!” he or she asks.
I get by quite nicely without a cell phone. I pay around $10 monthly for a land line phone I share with a roommate. I spent only $5 on the actual phone at Wal-Mart. My only complaint is that the cord gets tangled sometimes. But I never have to check how many bars I have.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when I’m talking to another person and a cell phone interrupts the conversation. Most of the time the phone gets answered.
Sure, I’ll hold on. No, we weren’t having a good conversation anyway. I’ll just twiddle my thumbs while you ignore me.
Another pet peeve is hearing a cell phone ring in class, church, the library or a movie theater. I never have to worry about a cell phone insulting someone else. Usually I can do that on my own.
When I go somewhere – the mall, library or school – it’s usually for a purpose. I don’t have to worry about being interrupted when I’m trying to focus on another task. I’m not at the beck and call of others. I run the show. If someone wants to interrupt me to say, “Hey, man, what’s up, dude?” they can e-mail me.
Whether they feel passionate about their cause or they want me to suffer in their misery, others have tried to convert me to the cell phone world. Many sales pitches have been directed toward me.
One of the best reasons I was given in favor of cell phones was that, with a cell phone, the owner can pretend to talk on the phone when a salesperson on East 13th Avenue approaches, or try the same tactic when a campus group tries to convince you to save the world.
I try other non-confrontational ways of rejection instead, like talking to myself out-loud or talking into my cell phone wallet. That’s right, a cell phone wallet. And you thought I wasn’t hip with technology.
Another pitch is that a cell phone displays who is calling. For the cell phone- and caller ID-impaired, a roommate can screen calls by answering the phone first. The roommate can respond with the classic, “(Insert name) is in the bathroom and it’ll be a while.”
That should gross out the unwanted caller, leaving plenty of time spent not talking to him or her. If the roommate doesn’t want to lie, sprint to the bathroom.
Another good-hearted effort at trying to convert me: A cell phone allows for personalization with ring tones and other cute stuff. To solve this, I have put stickers on my home phone.
While the cell phone was once considered a status symbol embodying cool, now everyone has them.
Remember, you not only have a choice in chocolate milk drinks, but with phone types as well. Anyone without a cell phone is part of the counterculture, anti-cell phone revolution – or we’re just cheap, anti-social and simplistic.
We’ll avoid buying a cell phone because, well, having a land line tastes great and is good for you. And that boring land line phone ring is music to our ears.

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