So the results are in. Millions of fake Americans have come together to elect the next fake president of the United States.
Sunday night, on one of the final episodes of the West Wing (NBC’s Emmy-winning political drama), the guy from NYPD Blue narrowly beat the guy from M*A*S*H to become the fake president-elect.
I have to admit I was disappointed; but it wasn’t a partisan thing. Sure the Democrat beat the Republican. However, that’s to be expected on the West Wing. No, my complaint is about the relative experience of the two candidates.
The office of the fake presidency is the highest fake office in the land. I think fake Americans deserve a serious and experienced fake candidate. Let’s look at the two side by side.
Jimmy Smits (the guy from NYPD Blue) has no fake American political experience aside from the West Wing. Sure, he played a senator in Star Wars Episodes II and III. But that was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. What has he done for us lately? As best I can tell, the only other item on his resume that even comes close to fake political experience is his role as King Solomon in a made-for-TV movie.
So this guy’s only fake experience is keeping a straight face while saying bad dialogue to computer generated characters and participating in idolatry with Halle Berry on the small screen. Let’s compare this to his opponent, Alan Alda (the guy from M*A*S*H).
Before coming to the Wing, Alan Alda served in the fake senate. That is to say the fake American senate, not the fake galactic senate. In fact, he was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of Senator Ralph Owen Brewster in Martin Scorsese’s “The Aviator.”
Moreover, Alda was also the fake National Security Adviser in the thriller “Murder at 1600.” Last, but certainly not least, Alda has experience as the fake president. Alda was the fake president in the Michael Moore satire “Canadian Bacon.”
Since 1999, America has had a highly experienced fake president in Martin Sheen. Before his two terms on the West Wing, Sheen had played the president several times – including a stint as a fake JFK. He’s also served as fake Deputy Attorney General Nicholas Katzenbach and fake Attorney General Bobby Kennedy. And who could forget him in “The American President” as fake White House Chief of Staff A.J. MacInerney?
Why fake Americans would choose to go from such a qualified and experienced fake president like Sheen to a rank amateur such as Smits is beyond me; especially when Alda offers such an experienced alternative. Just as he was robbed at the Oscars in 2005, so too was Alda robbed at the polls on Sunday night. But his loss is a loss for all fake Americans. Why has fake America just handed over the fake nuclear launch codes to a man with a practically nonexistent fake political resume? Perhaps his outsider status appealed to fake voters discouraged with the status quo. Still, you’d still think they’d demand a candidate with at leas a fake term as governor under his belt.
In the end, we may never know why the fake voters made the choice they did. But the razor thin margin that determined the outcome of this fake election should serve as a reminder to all fake Americans that every fake vote counts.
An interesting historical footnote to this fake election: This fake election was the third successive Democratic presidential win in West Wing land. This has only happened twice in real life. It happened once during the Roosevelt era (which barely counts because the same guy won four times in a row), and once during the Jackson era (which barely counts because it was in the transition period during which the Whig party was crumbling and the Republican party had not yet risen up to replace it).
Oh well. I suppose it doesn’t matter because the West Wing is coming to an end. From now on, I’ll have to look to ABC for strong fake leadership. I hear Geena Davis looks awfully good in that Oval Office.

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