Two weeks ago I stopped at a campus cork-board, and among other things, found a sign trying to find a roommate.
“WANTED: Female roommate to live in cute apartment on Alder with three other sassy girls! Call Amanda at 555-5555!”
After reading this I cringed, imagining Amanda as a “sassy” blonde coed dressed in a mini skirt with Ugg Boots in the heat of spring, constantly sipping on Starbucks Frappachinos and Red Bulls while walking through campus blabbing on her cell phone. But then I remembered that I lived with three other girls who, though not as bad as how I pictured “Amanda,” are quite boisterous and female.
With fraternities and sororities leading the way, single gender living situations have become popular choices for undergrads moving out of campus rules and regulations and into party houses surrounding the University. Now considering I haven’t lived with just a bunch of guys, I’m not going to knock on it. But as a guy who has lived on the second floor of a house with three girls, I’ve discovered that, over the past two years, I’ve learned a lot about the female gender because of sheer proximity. So, for the men out there willing to brave close quarters, I have a list of pros, cons and warnings to expect upon your adventure to live with women. Be careful, some parts are graphic.
1) Periods are real.
Girls have these every month, and after your first few living together, you are bound to learn the intricacies, cravings and products that go with them. From Kotex to Always, to the difference between pads and tampons, I’ve learned that periods are complicated and annoying times for girls, and it’s probably best to not boast about not having one. While I’ve associated the phrase “spotting” to catching falling gymnasts or Dalmatian pooches all my life, my world was blown away just last week when I learned it was involved in the mysterious week of the period. I’m only telling you this because they won’t hesitate talking about it themselves. When they have cramps, expect to hear about it. When you use their bathroom from time to time, don’t be scared of the industrial-sized box of Playtex heavys your roommate bought from Costco to save some extra bucks. It’s just the way it is.
2) Your sex life is not off limits.
Stereotypically, guys will sit with a beer and a buddy, talking about how hot and experienced a chick who they messed around with last night was. I don’t know if girls are nosy or if proximity gets the best of both parties, but don’t be surprised if your female roommates enjoy hearing about your escapades from the night before. The fact is, if your door is shut and they know someone is inside, they’ll most likely be interested and won’t let you get away with not getting the scoop or details. College girls are sexual beings too, and they can relate to dirty details just as well as guys can.
3) Expect to be socialized.
One lazy Saturday last year, as one of my female roommates watched “Sex and the City,” three of my male roommates and I joined her. As the four “classy” women tromped around New York City on the show, getting themselves into various awkward situations, I found myself fiercely mesmerized. And before I could yell at crazy Carrie Bradshaw for making another romantic mistake, I realized I was sitting there in a room with three other guys, and no girls. These things may happen, and it’s totally OK. Don’t be surprised if you accidentally let the words “cute” or “adorable” slip out when complimenting your roommate on something they’re wearing. Most women use those words so much, your verbal slip is bound to happen. It’s OK to let the girls seep into your hog-tied masculinity and I promise you’ll be fine. Not only have I learned that Sex and the City is relatively amusing and has entertaining sex scenes, female roommates are always there to let you know if your eyebrows are too bushy or if what you’re wearing for a date is completely unacceptable and won’t get you anywhere. A girl’s opinion can actually help.
4) Throw stereotypes out the window.
Girls farts don’t smell like flowers and they never will. Not every girl is clean, polite and nice all the time. Expect them to burp and not clean after themselves just as you would some (or all) of the time. Don’t be surprised if they come to your room, plop on your bed, and tell you how they really should shower because they haven’t in three days, but they really don’t want to regardless. But on the flip-side, enjoy the moments when you find out your female roommate can chug a beer faster than you or cracks a dead baby joke. Laugh when they tell you that they could never bone Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns because he is so ugly, and reply with an honest answer when they tell you how horny they are.
All in all, I guess it can depend on who you end up shacking up with when it comes to move-in time, but take this short list and weigh the pros and cons. From my personal experience, I’ve found the road can be very rocky, but ultimately I’ve come out alive and with a wealth of knowledge about how a girl can really be. So, take this advice and move forward gentlemen, there are many ladies still looking for a room, and the gates of a female reality await you.
Keir Evan Boettcher is a junior at the University.