I belong to four grammar-related groups on the Facebook. That number would be higher, but I can’t find any more.
I started the group called “I’m particularly fond of the apostrophe.”
I once told a food service worker in the cafeteria at Clackamas Community College in Oregon City, Ore., that the chalkboard sign advertising “Banana Shake’s” didn’t need an apostrophe.
During the summer, at a bar that belongs to Mr. Rennie, I took my red Sharpie and added apostrophes to six posters that had “Rennies” written on them. (A note to Rennie’s: I’m very attached to the bartenders, and I spend a lot of money there, so you should still let me in.)
Most people know or have heard of people who do these kinds of things. Hell, Lynne Truss wrote a book about it called “Eats, Shoots & Leaves.” So what makes me so special?
I correct bathroom graffiti.
Yes, really. I mark misspelled words, add punctuation and fix grammar on the insides of bathroom stalls in bars. I make corrections in a color that stands out so the people who come later will think twice before they write “it’s” when they mean “its” or use a word they don’t know how to spell.
I remember the first time I corrected bathroom graffiti. There was a back-and-forth exchange that went something like this:
“Sorority girls suck!”
“Your just jealous because were smart and pretty and your not.”
The irony was absolutely delicious. I was overcome with laughter as well as rage. A woman was trying to defend her intellect, and that of her sisters, using a sentence riddled with apostrophe errors. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. I dug through the forest of red pens in my purse and went to work.
Since then, I have continued this sick, ridiculous behavior. It is the best way for me to conduct my hobby in public. No one gets angry. I don’t have to deal with the “Are you kidding me?” look that I got when I told the server at Studio One that the decimal point was missing from the price for french toast. (A $700 breakfast? I guess I’ll get something else.)
Copy editing bathroom graffiti is a cleansing activity for me. It releases some of the frustration that builds inside me when people say “for all intensive purposes.”
I don’t think my actions will change the world. I’m sure the next time a member of the Clackamas Community College cafeteria staff makes a sign that person will include inappropriate punctuation. I know that when people see my copy-editing marks on the insides of bathroom doors they either don’t understand or they think: “Wow, that girl’s life is really sad. She needs a drink. I’m really smart and pretty.”
The fact that my public copy editing doesn’t have any effect on the world only encourages me to continue doing it. The main reason I copy edit, professionally and otherwise, is that I think if I don’t do it, no one will. If I don’t stand up for what is correct, people will continue to write “comprised” when they mean “composed” and “convince” when they mean “persuade.” I fear that the noble apostrophe will never get the respect it deserves unless I defend it.
Plus, I’m a know-it-all. And a snob.

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