For many years the University has used bloated Dead Week work-loads as revenge against students who have the audacity to both pay tuition and take classes. To ease the crush of the University’s unconscionable cruelty, the Emerald offers these humble suggestions for relieving Dead Week stress:
1. Responsibly drink heavily.
2. Have protected, consensual, kinky, dirty sex.
3. Go out for tacos.
4. Have someone massage your feet.
5. Take a shower until the hot water runs out.
6. Go to the gym and pump away the pressure.
7. Put on some sweats, watch cartoons and eat Cheetos.
8. Responsibly drink more.
9. Call friends from back home and talk about the good ol’ days.
10. Take a constitutional walk in a quiet neighborhood after dark.
How to: keep your sanity during dead week
November 26, 2006
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