While Halloween tips its zenith with the 1985 release of Garfield’s Halloween adventure, “Garfield in Disguise,” it is still a day steeped in history. Join us as we trample all over it.
More than 2,000 years ago, the Celtic people in the area that is now the United Kingdom and northwest France celebrated “Samhain” (pronounced “SOW-ehn”), which means “summer’s end.” This pagan holiday, if you
believe World Book Encyclopedia, marked the start of winter.
In the 8th and 9th centuries A.D., the Christian church established “All Saints’ Day” on Nov. 1. The liberal left immediately set up “All Hallows’ Eve” to annoy the religious right.
Trick-or-treating began in areas of England and Ireland when adults dressed up in costumes and went door-to-door “asking” for food and drink in return for a performance or a song. The talentless “performer” is born, and the inability to play a coherent song on more than one guitar chord has garnered street urchins literally tens of dollars since then.
In the United States, citizens dole out bushels of candy to fat children.
Apparently the country has the demented desire to push the obesity level to astronomical levels.
As All Hallows’ Eve approaches, here is a timeline of notable Halloween events for you to enjoy.
68 B.C. Celtic lad Weylyn Llwellyn sets a record in the popular game “Bobbing for
Pig Hearts” by nabbing 17 bleeders in less than a minute. He died six weeks later
from Trichinellosis.
1187 Arval the Addled, a monk in East Anglia, England, is accidentally burned at the stake after he dresses up like Salah al-Din (the great Islamic general) to shake things up at the rectory.
1872 College-aged women dress up en masse as “slutty cowgirls and Indians” in a vain attempt to justify baring obscene amounts of cleavage while roaming about town after dark searching for saloons that would let them in without having to pay the cover charge.
1969 The brief “Chainsaw in the Candy” scare is allayed when local police departments scan candy in giant X-ray machines. No power tools are found, but police who tasted the candy to make sure it was safe reported existential experiences, man, from the LSD it was laced with.
1978 The movie “Halloween” was released, spawning a new era of terrifying films such as “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” “Friday the 13th” and “Thelma & Louise.”
1987 Big hair, acid-washed jeans and The Brat Pack are scary, scary things indeed.
1993 The writer of this article is pelted with paintballs while trick-or-treating with a group of friends. That’s what he gets for going door-to-door on Halloween when he’s 15-years-old. What a Halloweenie.
1999 As the nation prepares for the end of the world during Y2K, countless youths run about with reckless abandon – the younger ones stuffing themselves with thousands of calories and tons of sugar while the older ones perform keg stands, suck on beer bongs and have wild, carefree promiscuous sex, much like they did the year before, and the year before, and the year before…
2004 Students in Eugene dress up like John Kerry, “The Knight in Shining Armor.”
2005 Students in Eugene dress up like John Kerry, “The Guy Who Couldn’t Beat Bush Even Though The Presidency Was Practically Handed To Him.”
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