I was really struggling to get something on paper for this week’s column seeing as it is the end of the term, our football season is lost, there are fewer parties, less enthusiasm around campus due to finals and weather, etc. And in the meantime I have received numerous complaints about the lack of diversity in my columns because they only relate to “booze, bros and ball,” as one reader put it. This was a point well made – and maybe the only things I truly know in the world are the aforementioned subjects – which is why I have decided to beseech my knowledge of unimportant things upon the University of Oregon, Eugene and the world.
Recently at a party, a young lady approached me after storming about the house shouting and being obnoxious. For whatever reason, she stopped and decided that I was the boy she was going to vent to about another boy – this is a very common female tactic. I had never met this person before in my life, and without hesitation she launched into this tirade about how this guy had been flirting with her in class and via text messaging for two weeks, then shows up at this party with a girlfriend. This tactic is more commonly utilized by men because men are generally stupid and can only think with one head at a time. After she updated me on current events, this girl then attempted to use me in a not-so-clever jealousy ploy in front of her idiotic love interest. I vehemently refused, and she stormed off once again, even madder than before and hating men just as much.
This simple and very relatable situation is a perfect case study in stereotyping the opposite sex or gender. First off, where did this perfect stranger get the idea that I care about her typically moronic college love life? Why did this woman think I was the guy to talk to about this? I admit, I was looking rather ravishing that night, but by no means did I invite her to lie on a couch and play Dr. Phil in the middle of a party so she can regain some self-esteem. Secondly, how stupid of a jerk was that guy? He strings a girl along, plans to meet up with her at a party, only to surprise her with an unmentioned girlfriend? That’s heartless, gutless, and just plain rude.
But I’ve been in that situation, and I’ve done the same thing. Why? Because all men are jerks – every single one of them. And that is not an exaggeration because conversely and equivalently, every woman is totally insane. I know this “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” thing is played out, but the jerk-crazy theory is the most simplified version of this timeless argument. No matter how nice, sweet, romantic, perfect, and gentlemanly a guy might seem, he really has a potentially devastating jerk buried deep down inside. Ice Cube said it perfectly about women, but I think it applies to men better in this case: “Now the title b**** don’t apply to all women, but all women got a little b**** in ’em.” Not all men are jerks by title, but every one of them will do something painfully stupid to hurt you.
Women, in my personal and interpersonal experiences, are totally out of their minds. There is no rhyme or reason to many of the decisions and/or non-decisions that go through their heads. But there is really no point in trying to understand this phenomenon because it is probably beyond my comprehension. Every woman is crazy in the same way that everyone has different fingerprints, meaning, every woman has her own personalized trigger that sets off the crazy alarm. But like men, not all women deserve to be called crazy; they simply all have a tiny unstable person deep within them.
Recall the girl at the party who was screwed over by the overly flirty boy. She was most likely a very nice girl who would not deserve the title of insane, but because the guy turned out to be a giant jerk, she went a little insane and decided to take it out on me. As you can plainly see – and as you’ve probably experienced – a man’s jerkiness is directly proportional to a woman’s insanity and vice versa. This is a safe assumption across the board, and remember every potential love interest you cross will probably have something drastically wrong with them, whether it appears on the surface or not. Just remember that all men are jerks and all women are crazy, and the sooner you are willing to cope with that universal fact, the sooner you’ll find love in your life.
[email protected]
Men and women, try to hide your brain dead sides
Daily Emerald
November 29, 2007
0
More to Discover