As we head in to 2008, it is time to update some of the language that we use in our relationships. Historically, the ‘breadwinner’ of the family was typically the person who grossed the highest pay, and thereby “called the shots” in the house. Oh yeah: He was almost always male. Even husbands who didn’t bring home the bacon were still officially considered head of household because only they could vote or own property. Nowadays, the practice of breadwinning is in a state of flux, but the theory hasn’t yet adapted to changing times. I am writing to celebrate the progress that all women – especially women of color – have made in recent years. We cannot discount their contributions to all areas of family life: parental as well as financial.
Over 35 percent of married women earn more in salary and wages than their spouses. That data doesn’t even account for married women who earn equally as much or a comparable amount, nor does it include the ever-increasing single mother heads-of-households category. While white women have had the highest earnings growth in the last 20 years (29 percent), African-American women have the second highest earnings growth (19 percent). Asian women in the professions have historically earned a relatively high amount, and so their growth hasn’t reflected a sharp growth increase. Women with college degrees have enjoyed a 34 percent earnings growth increase over the last 30 years, compared to an 18 percent growth by male college grads over the same period according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Also, the concept of a sole breadwinner brings us dangerously close the question of ‘roles’ in relationships. I believe that relationship responsibilities should be fluid and flexible. If I am in a relationship with a woman and I lean on her, she has to lean back or else we will both fall over. A high salary does not make a woman or a man exempt from chores, and it really isn’t that good of an indicator of who is better fit for serious decision making. Choices should be made in consensus, and if time and circumstance don’t permit, then decide according to the best option for all. But while our women are constantly stepping their financial game up by leaps and bounds, we fellas need to collectively get on point so we can give our women something worthwhile to come home to.