Reading in public can be a tricky task. People will judge you by what you read. Eliminate the anxiety of public reading and take out one of these books the next time you’re on a bench, bus or plane.
“The Nation’s Guide to the Nation” by Richard Lingeman and editors of The Nation
The easiest way to find a progressive mechanic, a camp for child radicals and hemp pretzels. This book even has a list of detective stories for liberals.
What people are thinking: You might have a sense of humor or you lean so far left that your dry cleaner has to wear hemp sandals.
Where to read: Near a bike shop or the School of Journalism and Communication.
“A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” by James Joyce
The semi-autobiographical story about a young rebellious writer, written by the original hipster himself: James Joyce. Anything by Joyce will give the same impression except for Finnegan’s Wake, because no one actually knows what it’s about.
What people are thinking: You’re cool enough to read a classic but you don’t care about appearing trendy.
Where to read: A pub or coffee shop – somewhere with the potential for a lengthy conversation about Irish literature.
“Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs” by Chuck Klosterman
Nothing is better than diving into a low-culture manifesto on a Sunday morning. Brush up on your knowledge of Saved by the Bell, Billy Joel, amateur porn and The Real World.
What people are thinking: You appreciate irreverent pop culture and/or you might be a stoner.
Where to read: Laying on the grass between Condon and Chapman Halls.
“The Communist Manifesto” by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels
The little-read book is a glimpse into the mind of Marx, his not-so-radical political ideologies and the radical ways he intended to enforce them.
What people are thinking: You are a student of political science or you’re plotting something.
Where to read: It’s probably not a good idea to read this in Springfield.
“Lose Weight! Get Laid! Find God!: The All-In-One Life Planner” by Benrik
Have you ever wondered what the hell you were going to do with your life? Wonder no more. Lose your virginity at age 17, waste your 24th year, join the swinging scene at 43, and at 100 undergo cryogenic freezing.
What people are thinking: You have a great sense of humor and you might need some direction.
Where to read: The Breeze, the 79 or on a Portland-bound Amtrak.
“Everything Is Illuminated” by Jonathan Safran Foer
An abstract, funny and tender novel about a very rigid search. Does it get any better than a seeing-eye bitch named Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.? Extra points if you can discuss how amazing Eugene Hutz from Gogol Bordello was in the film version. Premium!
What people are thinking: You are witty and appreciate a good story. You may also be Jewish.
Where to read: A coffee shop, park bench or outside Caspian while you enjoy a quesadilla.
“Love in the Time of Cholera” by Gabriel García Márquez
“Love” is nowhere near as great as “One Hundred Years of Solitude,” but it’s still classic Marquez. It’s a love story that spans a lifetime, written by the master of magical realism. Plus, it is much more beautiful than its title allows.
What people are thinking: When that hottie on the Breeze sees you pull out your tattered copy, his or her heart will melt a little.
Where to read: Anywhere – Marquez is fluid cultural currency.
“Never Have Your Dog Stuffed” by Alan Alda
The amusing and surprisingly honest memoirs of the actor-writer-director who got his start on the vaudeville stage. Best known as Captain Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce, Alda’s life has been as vivid and colorful as that of his small screen counterpart.
What people are thinking: You want to be a taxidermist or you watch M*A*S*H.
Where to read: Inside the EMU on your lunch break or on any bus.
“Short Account of the Destruction of the Indies” by Bartolomé de las Casas
Before Bartolomé de las Casas became a priest, he participated in the 16th-century Spanish conquests. He wrote this graphic and repulsive account of Europe’s exploitation of indigenous people. It’s a fascinating read.
What people are thinking: You’re compassionate, into human rights and appreciate history.
Where to read: Downtown, outside Pita Pit or the Fenario Gallery.
“The Book of Dead Philosophers” by Simon Citchley
This book sums up the lives of more than 200 of the world’s greatest minds, which were a lot funnier than one might imagine. Did you know Empedocles threw himself into an active volcano because he thought he would become a god, Heraclitus suffocated when he baked himself in cow dung and Roland Barthes was killed by a laundry van?
What people are thinking: OMG, you are so deep.
Where to read: Residence hall common areas.
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