University journalism instructor Melissa Hart’s new memoir, “Gringa: A Contradictory Childhood,” tells the untold story of intolerance toward lesbian mothers in the 1970s through a presumably bland girl’s own clashing experiences with culture.
“‘Gringa’ is my story of growing up white, straight and boring in multicultural Los Angeles,” she said.
As a child, Hart suddenly found herself packed in her mother’s station wagon, leaving her father’s upper-middle class gated neighborhood to start a new life in the Oxnard, Calif. farming community. For a time, in the loving hands of her mom and her mom’s new girlfriend, life seemed like so much fun for Hart and her siblings. A few months later, their father found them and won custody when a judge saw that her mother’s lifestyle was “unnatural.”
From then on, Hart only saw her mom on two weekends of every month, often the best and most memorable times of her childhood.
“My mom and her partner were just totally awesome, if you will permit the ’80s phrase,” Hart said.
Life was different at her father’s house. Hart was conflicted with homophobia and harsh criticism toward the mother who loved her. Even before Hart really understood what the word “gay” meant, it was clear to her that injustice had been done to her and her mother.
At school, Hart was nicknamed “Casper,” and she had a hard time fitting in.
“It was easy to feel like I had no culture and just disappear,” said Hart, who developed an obsessive envy for Latino culture through her experiences at Oxnard.
In “Gringa,” Hart weaves in a love for food and cooking as a symbol of diversity. She contrasts the liver and onions she had for dinner in the gated community with the colorful and interesting Latino recipes she was exposed to in Oxnard.
Hart teaches magazine, travel and memoir writing, and her essays have appeared regularly in publications ranging from “The Los Angeles Times” to “High Country News.” Hart has been through nearly ten drafts of “Gringa” since she started writing it more than two years ago.
“I knew I wanted to write a book about culture and all that it entails. I wasn’t sure what form it would take,” Hart said. “Memoir is intriguing to me … I feel my family’s particularly representative of hundreds and hundreds of similar stories that have not been told.”
In the 1960s and 1970s, lesbian mothers routinely lost custody of their children, regardless of whether their husband was abusive or a fitting parent. Hart points out that even as recently as a few years ago, the Lesbian Mothers National Defense Fund in Seattle nearly gave up making a documentary because they could not find anyone willing to share.
“People just didn’t want to talk about what happened — it’s that damaging,” she said.
During a reading of her previous memoir, “The Assault of Laughter,” at Cozmic Pizza in Eugene, Hart noticed that a woman was in tears for nearly half an hour. Afterward, the stranger came to Hart and said she lost her children in the 1980s. Hart said that influenced her to write a second memoir, which she feels tells the story even better.
“I thought it was really important to tell that story, because as far as I know there is no one else telling it,” Hart said.
Although the events of the book took place decades ago, the author believes she has made new revelations through her writing.
“They always talk about memoir as therapy — I kind of recoil at that, but there is a grain of truth in it. If you’re writing for other people as well, it should be a lot more than therapy,” Hart said.
The journalism instructor admits her writing experience has in a way made her more tolerant. “You’re forced to look at a variety of perspectives. I had to develop compassion for those people who I didn’t necessary care for,” Hart said.
As with any author of a memoir, Hart worries her personal account is sometimes in danger of revealing too much.
She says she somewhat regrets one section of “Gringa,” and she would prefer her students and colleagues did not have access to a particular chapter depicting a
sexual experience.
“It’s theater of the absurd; it’s altogether ridiculous,” she said with a laugh.
Hart will read and sing from her book after she reveals her own personal “Frito Boat” recipe today at the Duck Store. There will be a book signing and a chance to ask the hard questions, which she looks forward to hearing.
“Hopefully this will push us one step closer to compassion and tolerance,” Hart said.
[email protected]