“He eats my food.” “They party all the time.” “Her boyfriend is always over.” “He’s just so messy.”
They say you never really know someone until you live with them.
That is true for Alex Gillow-Wiles, a senior who has lived alone, with family, friends and now with his girlfriend. He attests that it can be nice living with someone you know.
“On one hand, it’s nice having someone that you know and you know their habits before you move in. Plus, it’s nice to know you can hang out with them,” he said. “But it can also ruin friendships if you’re not careful. I’ve definitely strained friendships by living with them. I think it’s mostly just really important to have some sort of mutual understanding both with living habits and amount of personal space.”
Although he says his favorite living situation is by himself, with complete freedom to define standards, he does enjoy the intimacy of living with his girlfriend. “You can walk around in your underwear without it being weird,” he said with a laugh.
While Gillow-Wiles has chosen not to live with many strangers, Oregon Health and Science University student Nora Cary has chosen to not live with friends throughout her tertiary education, leading her to live with several strangers. “I chose not to live with a friend from high school to force me to branch out and meet new people,” she said. “I feel our time spent together would be of a higher quality if we do not live together, therefore strengthening our friendship.”
Set to begin his senior year at Oregon State University, Evan Miller has lived with good friends and complete strangers.
“It’s true of any roommates, but you get sick of them after awhile. But especially with your friends, you want to hang out with them in your free time, but then you live with them so after a while it gets kind of old.”
Miller has even had the unique experience of dating one of the roommates. “There was definitely some sexual tension for quite a while, and one day we got drunk and … yeah that’s how it happened,” he said. “It’s a recipe for disaster. I was lucky enough to have it last until we moved out, but if we had broken up before that it would have been horrible.”
Overall, Miller’s take on living situations is simple: “For me, it’s not a huge deal; I have a place to live and that’s all I need.”
The University pairs roommates based on eight questions in the residence application, which inquire about age, smoking habits, sleep and study habits, level of social activity, cleanliness and music preference.
“The questions are very basic, but hopefully we can match some of those to create some common ground,” said John Hollan, associate director of Residence Life.
When it comes to roommates who previously knew each other or those who were introduced through the pairing system, Hollan has noticed pros and cons of both situations.
“Friends who come (to college) and live together are more comfortable — you know who you are living with, everything around them is going to be new,” he said. Hollan said with the transition into college already difficult, this can be helpful for some people.
Hollan notes that more students start their University experience not knowing their freshman roommate and so are immediately tested in many ways.
“You have to be open to someone who is really different,” he said. “There’s no guarantee that you’re going to friends. All of a sudden you are sharing a room and this can be very intimidating.”
Conflicts arise in both situations, the difference tending to be when the clash surfaces.
“We tend to find that when people are placed with people they don’t know, the conflict is right away,” he said. “When you room with someone you know, the conflict tends to be into
the year.”
With new faces, the conflicts vary, but with roommates who are acquaintances, Hollan says conflict arises through expectations.
“(Friends) come in expecting things to be a certain way,” he said. “Schedules and interests have changed, and it can be difficult to adjust to the person who is different. The first year of college is full of growth, transition and learning. Chances are you aren’t the same
person either.”
This year the Roommate Agreement form for residence hall roommates includes tips from Student Conflict Resolution Services, which coaches students on their
communication skills.
Whether for best-of-friends or we-met-yesterday roommates, Hollan insists communication is the most essential factor in a cordial living situation.
“There is no conflict that tends to be the same. A lot of it is that they just don’t talk about it. That’s the piece that is fairly universal,” Hollan said. “The best thing to do is to talk about it. It may feel uncomfortable, but when you wait a few months and other things come up, then you have a long laundry list of things to talk about, it will more likely be more uncomfortable.”
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In roomie harmony
Daily Emerald
August 23, 2009
Oregon Daily Emerald
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