Tonight’s epic battle between the colors green and yellow and black and orange will be the most significant battle in the history of mankind, establishing complete, undisputed supremacy for one Oregon college town over another after decades of war. It will be the most important day of your life — until next year’s game.
Or something.
It’s mostly just a football game, people. There’s a lot of money to be made in from merchandise sales and national television distribution, but given the “independent” nature of our athletic department, any benefit that trickles down to campus academics is spurious at best. Local bars will receive a bigger boon than the cash-strapped University for the entire spectacle.
With little money coming in from the state legislature, tuition skyrocketing and the economy in the tank, former University President Dave Frohnmayer wants the University to turn into a “public corporation.” Maybe if we had any shot at the booty brought in by the student-athletes who give their bodies to the athletic department, we wouldn’t be in such a mess.
The greater University may benefit from football because some people say they chose to attend based on the winning program. Not the high school football players making a sojourn on their way to the NFL (they hope), mind you, just regular students seeking a liberal arts education. Let’s hope the education sticks, because anybody who chooses a school based on Nike advertising and dubious promises of free football tickets has a lot to learn.
It would be an improvement if tuition- and incidental fee-paying students actually had a decent shot at attending the game via the ASUO’s contract with the athletic department. More tickets are necessary, and if the athletic department were more integrated with academics, maybe someone could demand more space for students at the games. In the distant past, students and the education they received was the primary focus of this institution.
But if you care about football as sport — rather than as a cause or an excuse to get drunk and scream homophobic epithets — is your life really harmed by watching the game on television? It’s warmer inside, anyway.
A certain amount of pride ought to come from the national exposure of Oregon’s football programs. No matter which team wins, one is going to the Rose Bowl. But of course it would be silly to suggest that is sufficient reason to be proud. Obviously, we need to kill Corvallis deader in everything from a blood drive to exercising on elliptical machines.
The whole ritual feels a bit contrived. But if the behavior does not get too embarrassing — and as long as we win — we might as well enjoy it. It’s the biggest thing that will happen in the history of our lives. Until it happens again.
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