We’ve all seen them. We’ve all been hassled by them going about our busy days. Of course, “they” are the canvassers who prey on students outside of Lillis Hall and at various spots between the EMU Amphitheater and Columbia Hall. More often than not, students are seen ducking their heads and pretending to be busy as canvassers approach with bizarre conversation starters along the lines of, “Oh, I like your hat,” and, “Where did you get that backpack?” They attempt to throw you off-guard before asking you to sign something or join an organization and pay money. To defend yourself against their brazen solicitations, here are the top 10 ways to avoid campus canvassers:
1. Wear a Confederate flag around your neck — and nothing else.
2. Ask them for a date in return for signing or joining.
3. Pick up your phone and start crying­.
4. Scream “Bees!” and slap your face while running away.
5. Tell them you’re homeless while heading straight for your dorm room.
6. Tell them you’re already a member — if they ask how you like it, see number five.
7. Describe to them in detail your experiences in ‘Nam.
8. Hold a clipboard while pretending to be one of them — camouflage is your friend.
9. Respond only in Klingon.
10. If all else fails, tell them to piss off.
[email protected]