In an online forum asking women what age they first felt sexualized, the most common answer among its 20,000 replies and counting was 12 years old.
At 12, sexual harassment and the constant eroticization of women on TV contributed to the pressure I felt to look a certain way. I would straighten unruly curls and smear foundation over puberty-induced pimples before school, and I would walk home from the bus stop and cry until the moon came out so I could look to the stars and say, “God, will it always be like this?”
“God, will I ever be pretty?”
I admit I was a bit melodramatic back then. In my defense, though, my body was being sexualized before I had even finished health classes. Without makeup and a toilet paper-stuffed bra, 12-year-old me felt vulnerable. I felt ugly, and, as mainstream media taught me, ugly meant powerless. My movie idols had clear skin, big eyes and bigger boobs. They were cooler and hotter, and it didn’t matter that they were at least 25 years old playing teenagers because boys liked them, because the camera liked them.
The male gaze refers to the way women are presented in film and how that lens seeps into society’s treatment of women. Typically, the media depict women in a way that overtly sexualizes them through angles, clothing, dialogue, plots and more. When women in the media only serve plotlines in a sexual capacity, it teaches viewers to objectify women on and off screen and treat them as less than human. Similarly, when media only gives platforms to women that look the same — be it cisgender, white, skinny or any number of qualities — it sets a standard for what society considers attractive.
While I haven’t properly watched the Korean Netflix series “Squid Game,” I consider its giant robotic doll with the twisty head and eyes a fair representation of the male gaze. The only difference being this: The gaze leaves no survivors.
When we become aware of how women are typically portrayed on screen, media that uplifts and empowers woman characters becomes a necessity. By giving female characters a place to exist beyond their ability to be sexually desired, media practitioners can help viewers realize that their own value is not contingent upon their appearance.
With a constant feed of media that teaches women their value lies in how sexually attractive men find them, the need for external validation can often feel overwhelming. Still, it’s important to note that male validation and the male gaze are not synonymous.
A current online trend of people sharing how they “stopped dressing for the male gaze” perhaps misunderstands this sentiment. Intentional or not, these videos give the impression that there is something wrong, even anti-feminist, with wearing revealing clothes. A movement seeking to combat the male gaze by encouraging women to change or conceal themselves only acts as further proof that our society caters to the needs and desires of men above all else.
The topic of clothing has no place in discussing causes for sexual violence. Media’s constant degradation of women, on the other hand, does. As unfortunate as it is, I will take any opportunity to say that what a woman wears has nothing to do with any form sexual harassment she recieves.
Contrary to popular belief, most people are not dressing to garner attention and sexual advances from others.
But still, what is so wrong with doing just that? What’s so wrong about thinking “I want to feel hot today, and I want Riley from sociology to think I’m hot, too?” What’s so wrong with putting on the outfit you think will accomplish those goals?
I think it’s okay to seek validation from others, especially in a society that teaches you to do that. I think it’s okay to use the body parts that society has deemed sexual to your advantage if you feel comfortable doing so. And I think it’s okay to dress however you want, for whomever you want, whether or not your body or clothes fit into pop culture fantasies.
Wanting validation is different from needing it. And I don’t think anyone should base their self-worth off their ability to attract the male gaze.
Unlearning what mainstream media has taught women to value about themselves is difficult, but it’s possible. College is a time meant for self-discovery and self-growth. Take this time to love and value yourself as you are — and not as how you can provide for a patriarchal lens.
