The following is part of our Shallot series. All content is unbelievably fake.
The Anti-Student Union Student Union requested money from the ASUO on Monday for an anti-student funding rally. ASUSU wants $5,000 in student funding for “signs, spray paint, pitchforks, two derby cars and 17 torches.”
“Students on campus are tired of all these student groups,” ASUSU president Matthew Williams said. “We’re the only student group bold enough to voice their concerns.” ASUSU members want the rally to be held on Memorial Day, so students will have time to attend their 12-hour rally.
ASUO Programs Administrator Sinjin Carey found the proposal quite hypocritical.
“You’re a student group against student groups, requesting funding from a group of students. Are you kidding me?” Carey said. Already this year, ASUSU has received $20,000 in incidental fee money in its fight to abolish student groups.
“The student body doesn’t want its money to go toward the Black Student Union’s next pizza party, Assault Prevention Shuttle’s new van or the Alliance of Happy Atheists’ new Jesus punching bag,” Williams said. “They want their money to stay in their pockets; we’re in a recession.”
Many ASUSU members said they believe they’re the only student group that should exist on campus.
“The only opinion worthy of having a student union is an opinion against having student unions,” University student Steve Walker said. Other student groups, including the Left-Handed Mini-Putters Club, are outraged by ASUSU’s recognition as an ASUO student group.
“ASUSU has no use for any student on campus,” LHMPC member Panther Forest said. “People only join ASUSU because they aren’t cool enough to fit in other clubs.”
The ASUO is expected to make a ruling on the anti-student funding rally on Wednesday.
“Student groups are what makes our campus unique,” University student Tim Hodge said. “I’d be OK with a student group for just about anything.”
Members of the Anti-Anti-Student Union Student Union Student Union, or AASUSUSU, refused to comment.
Shallot: Anti-Student Union Student Union requests funds for anti-student funding rally
Tyree Harris
May 16, 2011
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