Editor’s note: The full names of some individuals have been omitted to protect their identity and private interests.
The choice to be exclusive is a common quandary for any couple in a relationship, especially when sex is involved. For Nicole, a University sophomore, this debacle is an all-too-familiar occurrence.
“For a lot of my girlfriends, the big issue of conflict has been, ‘Are we officially together or not?’” Nicole said. “It’s been, for the most part, the guy not wanting to make it an official relationship, and the girl wanting it to be official.”
According to a recent study, Nicole’s friends are not alone.
Oregon State University researchers found that a significant percentage of couples in a sexual relationship misjudge their partners’ risk behaviors, which may make them more susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases, such as gonorrhea, chlamydia or HIV.
The study indicated that only 56.2 percent of the 434 sexually active couples from Los Angeles and Oklahoma City surveyed actually discussed the topic of monogamy and that only 52.3 percent of couples agreed to be monogamous.
Of those individuals who discussed a monogamy agreement and agreed to it, only 41.8 percent of men and 48 percent of women kept with the agreement.
“We were interested in whether young couples were making explicit agreements about their behavior first, rather than simply relying on a belief in a shared understanding that is never made explicit,” Jocelyn Warren, an Oregon State University College of Health and Human Services research associate, said in an e-mail. “One might expect a higher percentage of young adults in relationships to agree that they have discussed sexual exclusivity, but many appeared to have very different perceptions about what they had discussed and agreed to.”
Warren, who co-wrote the study with department chair Marie Harvey, said the data came from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s PARTNER project, which helped fund the study. The researcher’s findings will be published online in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Sex Research.
On the surface, the definition of monogamy seems simple. The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as being “the practice or state of being married to one person at a time (or) having a sexual relationship with only one partner.”
But according to professionals, the definition of cheating and being monogamous is not so simple anymore.
Wendy Maltz, an internationally recognized sex therapist and relationship counselor who has practiced in Eugene for 30 years, said technological developments, such as pornography websites, sexually explicit networking sites and sex oriented magazines, have blurred the traditional lines of what is considered to be monogamous.
Maltz said a sexual partner or significant other could consider the consumption of these types of websites and publications to be an act of cheating.
Increased consumption of pornographic materials may inhibit actual sexual relations with a significant other, she said. This type of consumption is no longer confined to men; in fact, Maltz said she has seen an increasing consumption of pornographic materials among women.
To solve these types of problems from occurring and preventing cases of misunderstanding, Maltz said couples should create an environment that allows for an open dialogue of sexual issues.
She added that tactics such as trust contracts, along with a variety of other approaches, provide a gradual method for sexual partners to stay monogamous.
“Many couples find the topic of sex to be rather embarrassing because they’re worried about what their partner may say or think about them, but communication is vitally important in a relationship,” Maltz said. “This prevents cases of miscommunication, where misunderstandings can sometimes prove to be disastrous. The couples that have the best sex are the ones that are openly talking about their sexual issues, as well as their desires.”
Nicole said she has not had any experiences with guys who do not understand her boundaries or may be playing the circuitous “game.”
“Most of the time, when I go into any sort of relationship, I understand what the guy’s personality is like, so I kind of know what I’m getting into,” Nicole said. “I’ve never really been caught off-guard, but it depends on the guy that you’re dating.”
Nevertheless, Warren provides this simple caveat: “Don’t assume one conversation establishes a firm agreement, talk more. And use condoms.”
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Couples struggle with monogamy in personal relationships, OSU study shows
Daily Emerald
February 13, 2011
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