Ah, November. Month of turkey. And mashed potatoes. A month of cranberry sauce and giving thanks. Month of sideburns. And goatees. Soul patches. Mutton chops.@@http://www.beards.org/friendly_mutton_chops.php@@ Stubble. Chinstraps.
Look out ladies: No-Shave November is here.
Wandering around campus these past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed an inordinate amount of patchy facial hair on the male population. Generally — excluding hipsters, of course — Oregon men seem to keep things pretty clean-shaven. We don’t see a lot of New England Patriots’ offensive-lineman-type guys running around here, but that may be partly due to the relatively mild winters we enjoy here in the Willamette Valley. I look forward to this time of year if only because it allows for more variety in the menfolk.
According to No-Shave November’s Wikipedia page, @@checked@@the event was begun by a group of Australian men in 1999 as a way to raise both awareness and funds in support of men’s health issues, such as prostate cancer and depression. Other events such as “Movember” and “Novembeard,” quickly spread across Australia and into other facial-hair-friendly countries like Ireland, Greece, Israel and the United States.
The rules are few, but there are distinctions between “Movember” and “No-Shave November” (hereafter referred to as NSN due to my laziness).
NSN’s rules are simply:
1. No shaving in November.
2. NO shaving in November.
Quick and to the point.
Movember’s rules are a bit more extensive:
- You must begin the 1st of November with a clean shaven face.
- You grow/groom a mustache for the entire month of November.
- No joining of the mo (mustache) to your sideburns.@@oh….mo=moustache@@
- No joining of the handlebars to your chin. (That is considered a goatee.)
- You must conduct yourself as a true, country gentleman.
Not sure what being a “true country gentleman” entails,@@exactly@@ but I’d guess that it includes making your own moonshine and holding doors open for ladies.@@didn’t someone make a recent FB posting about this?@@
Participants in the month-long event are supposed to collect donations for various charities supporting men’s health issues. That’s all well and good, and I think it’s fantastic that men are using their god-given testosterone to help out their fellow man. But I don’t think that’s why most guys participate in NSN here at Oregon.
The real motivator? Laziness.
I get it: It’s cold out, and guys want any excuse to stay in their warm beds a little bit longer. Cutting out the morning shave? Perfect excuse! I have to admit that I’ve been unintentionally participating myself this year — this column is an excellent reminder that I desperately need to shave my legs.@@lol@@
I know many ladies who absolutely abhor this particular month. Think of all the beard-related traumas that could occur if your man is a participant. There’s the always painful beard-burn situation. Perhaps some flecks of a long-forgotten sandwich got entangled somewhere on his left cheek, and that’s super disgusting. Maybe, too, he looks really gross with a beard.
To all those bitching ladies out there, I say: Get over yourselves!
I happen to love NSN.@@the made-up acronyms just a weekly thing?@@ Is it just me, or do guys seem way more relaxed during November? Plus, they’re having a little bit of fun with their appearance, which is always welcome news. Some women just hate the way facial hair looks on a guy, but some men could really benefit from it. Have a bit of a weak chin? Cover that baby up with a full-on viking beard. Wham — you look way more manly!@@lol@@ Have a thin upper lip? Throw on a Ron Swanson@@http://ronswanson2012.org/@@ cop ‘stache and watch the ladies come running! Hair getting a little thin on top? Balance it out with some luscious sideburns! No one will be able to tell that you’re getting super old!
So please, men, do your thing this month. Some ladies may whine and moan about your scratchy face for a while, but as long as you keep it clean and semi-groomed, I don’t see any reason why they should be mad. Reinforcing the idea that it’s for charity will make her feel like a real witch if she complains about it.@@true dat@@
Just please remember our support of you the next time we forget to shave our legs.@@also true@@ Now you understand how nice it is to forget about that razor.
