It may happen tomorrow. It may happen Friday. It may be happening right now as you read this. Hopefully it does not happen after my deadline today, making this intro outdated. But if it does happen, it may well be as early as this week. I am talking about the possible indictment of White House officials in the Plamegate scandal.
In other news, Comedy Central has been playing a countdown of Cartman’s 25 Greatest Moments to amp up viewers for tonight’s season premiere of South Park.
I’ve been following both stories, and as I eagerly await well-deserved indictments and well-written satire, I have noticed a few similarities. Basically, Karl Rove and Eric Cartman are freakishly similar.
Both are chubby, arguably pure evil and definitely vengeful. Neither is opposed to exploiting others for personal gain. Both feel a sense of entitlement that seems unfounded to the rest of us. Both play off the fear and ignorance of others. Both Rove and Cartman’s friends know these things, and allow them to pursue their outrageous plans.
There are very specific allusions to Karl Rove through the character of Cartman. Take for example, episode number 95, “My Future Self n’ Me.” Cartman is the man behind “The Parental Revenge Center of Western America,” the place where Butters and Stan go to seek revenge on their parents. As it turns out, Cartman’s only plan involves smearing poo all over the parents’ homes. Karl Rove is, likewise, known for his smear tactics, especially revenge. President Bush’s nickname for Rove is “Turd Blossom.” The Parental Revenge Center of Western America could easily be renamed The Dissenter Revenge Center of America with Rove taking Cartman’s place as leader.
In “The Passion of The Jew,” Cartman leads a neo-Christian movement. The basis for his beliefs is the movie, “The Passion of The Christ,” which he has seen 34 times. Cartman starts a “Mel Gibson ‘The Passion’ Fan Club”, and recruits evangelical Christians to join his mission. It was Karl Rove’s strategy to target evangelicals during the 2004 election. The Christians Cartman gathered simply wanted to celebrate their rebirth, while Cartman ultimately wanted them all to go see “The Passion of The Christ” again. Karl Rove wanted deeply religious citizens to vote for George W. Bush. Both Rove and Cartman exploit people’s genuine religious beliefs in order to further their own self-serving causes.
Revenge by Rove and Cartman is also often grossly disproportionate to the harm they endure. An episode rated by viewers as one of Cartman’s greatest moments was “Scott Tenorman Must Die.” In this episode, Cartman is fooled and humiliated several times by Scott Tenorman. Each time, it is because Cartman has done something stupid and has been caught or called out on it. In the end, Cartman devises a successful plan ending with tricking Tenorman into eating his own dead parents, then getting his heroes (Radiohead) to laugh at him when he finally breaks down. The plan is brilliant, well thought out and completely ruthless.
Outing Valerie Plame as a CIA agent is an equally disproportionate revenge. Plame’s husband, Joseph Wilson, traveled to Africa and wrote an essay about the absence of “yellowcake” uranium. His article accused the Bush administration of “exaggerating the Iraqi threat.” Soon, Robert Novak leaked the fact that Plame was a CIA agent. This may be treason. By leaking the information, Rove endangered the safety of Plame, Wilson, and their families. He also ruined the career of a woman whose job was to track weapons of mass destruction. Rove’s plan was equally well-planned, evil and brilliant.
Both Cartman and Rove do not directly execute revenge , but rather manipulate others to do their dirty business. Rove used journalists to do something he knew was illegal. He counted on them to protect him if they got in trouble, because good journalists are supposed to ensure the confidentiality of their anonymous sources. And if they do squeal to avoid jail, like Novak, then they appear cowardly. If they don’t squeal even with permission, like Judith Miller, they appear overly-loyal and biased. Either way, the institution of journalism is tarnished by this. Branding the media as untrustworthy is a major underlying theme in Rove’s quest to control America. If Rove is indicted and convicted though, he is almost certainly assured a pardon by President Bush.
Much as they are similar, we have to remember that Cartman is not real and Rove is. Most of the time, Cartman ends up getting what is coming to him by the end of the episode. Let’s hope Rove gets what is coming to him at the end of this two-year drama.

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