Only in Hollywood can Prince Charming enter stage right, meet the girl, get the girl, and live happily ever after
— all within two hours. In real-life relationships, it’s much more complex, according to sex educator Dr. Sol Gordon.
Gordon addressed a full house in the EMU Ben Linder Room on Monday about the earmarks of both good and bad relationships, based on his book, “How Can You Tell If You’re Really in Love?”
“Love is the greatest thing there is,” he said. True love, however, can be hard to pinpoint, he said.
He said it often seems people are convinced they have found their one and only — for that week. Then reality sets in.
“Most people marry the wrong
person; 60 to 70 percent,” he said, “but you don’t have to.” Finding potential mates isn’t simply a matter of sex, love or the stars being in your favor, he said. It’s also more than just biology working its magic.
So what is it?
“The best indication is friendship and a respect for each other,” he said.
Gordon said many people’s problems may be that they’re just not looking in the right places for love and are surprised when they don’t find a perfect mate at the local bar, on the Internet, or even in the bedroom. He advised what he likes to call the “Mitzvah” therapy. “Mitzvah” is the Hebrew word for doing good.
“Meet out of interests, in community service, doing mitzvahs,” he said. “Meet people who are also doing good deeds and something useful.”
Furthermore, he said physical aspects should not be the primary focus in what determines being in love.
“You could have great sex and no relationship,” he said.
Gordon also spoke about the role sex plays in a relationship and what to do if one partner craves physical attention more than the other.
“Sex is not the answer,” he said. The commitment that accompanies a solid relationship cannot be based on sex, and if that is a point of conflict, the individual wanting more sex than available may have to take matters into his or her own hands.
“I’ll tell you what to do — masturbate,” he said. “At least then you’re having sex with somebody who won’t reject you.”
He challenged the audience to examine reality and not always look for completion in another person, but rather to look within, defining their own role in the relationship, and finding their voice.
Several students said they valued Gordon’s input and his advice.
“Love is important to every relationship. I learned everyone’s (definition of) love is different and no one has a right to say it’s just infatuation,” student Rick Reed said.
Others who attended the seminar are planning to apply the “friends-first” approach to current relationships.
“I learned not to marry for love — friendship is more important,” said Katie Mahaffey.
E-mail reporter Robin Weber
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