It’s amazing what you can learn while watching “Extra.”
You know, the Entertainment Tonight knockoff that features in-depth stories on Tom Cruise’s flossing habits and Catherine Zeta Jones’ most recent brush with terminal flatulence. In other words, hard news that Edward Murrow would have been proud of.
“Extra” is the type of phenomenon that could only exist right now, and it’s proof that we’ve moved far, far beyond what the Romans would have considered dangerously excessive decadence.
Although, I like to think the Romans would have appreciated last week’s super-special feature on Joe Francis, the young entrepreneur behind the incredibly successful “Girls Gone Wild” series of mail-order,
soft-core boobs videos.
And when I say boobs, I am, of course, referring to the people who order them.
Yes, the Romans would have appreciated the raw, undiluted cynicism needed to make a buck by sending low-grade videotapes of drunken sorority girls taking off their tops at Mardi Gras
— just like the way they respected the idea to put a bear, a lion and 25 slave boys together in the Coliseum for a violent frolic.
“Extra’s” selective coverage is evidence of our civilization’s coming demise.
To prove this point, the infotainment program blatantly ignored a story that would have had far more impact for its viewers. The week before last, Harvard’s School of Public Health released some disturbing, if not all that surprising, statistics concerning binge drinking on college campuses. According to the study, which was done way back in ’99, 44 percent of all college students reported binge drinking in the two weeks leading up to the survey.
Furthermore, the study determined that being an athlete, a frat boy, a sorority girl or just plain white upped the odds of binge drinking.
For men, binge drinking was defined as having five or more drinks in a row, and for women it was four or more. From personal experience I know that I can, on a full stomach, put away five whiskey sours without feeling terribly reckless, but hey, maybe I’m a different breed of cat.
Regardless, in my completely un-puritanical opinion, binge drinking doesn’t have to be a problem in and of itself, as long as it doesn’t wreak havoc on the rest of your life, encourage violent behavior or become your daily routine.
Unfortunately, the study found that on the average, regular binge drinking (more than three times a month) does lead to all these things. It also found that binge drinkers are far more likely to either commit or become the victim of sexual violence.
That’s where “Girls Gone Wild” comes in.
In his interview with the quantum physicists at “Extra,” Francis lamented, “The toughest thing for me is finding a girl, and dating a girl and knowing that she’s not after these things that basically aren’t important to me.”
What “things” are those, Joey? The jet and vacation house you bought with the money you got exploiting binge-drinking fools? Or perhaps you’re referring to the T-shirts you gave away to the gals who “bared it all” for your cameras?
After all, no sensible heterosexual male would think it was cool if his girlfriend embarrassed herself on a nationally televised commercial, but somebody’s helping scum like Francis become millionaires.
It’s exactly this kind of muddled thinking and objectification of women that’s causing these rising numbers of binge drinking-related sexual assaults.
When men drink, they get crazy. When women drink, they get wild. Nonsense.
You shouldn’t believe everything you see on TV. Even when it’s a class act like “Extra.”