This week I would like to begin my column with a wholehearted endorsement of a masterpiece of modern filmmaking, and I would like to encourage everybody out there to see it as soon as possible. The fact that it is currently showing at the $1.50 theater is just icing on the cake.
The film in question is “Crossroads,” starring Britney Spears.
Now, I’m willing to bet that as soon as “Crossroads” hits video, it will become a cult classic at parties, with everybody watching it drunk or stoned and taking shots every time Britney’s cleavage is shown.
That’s not the point. What I’m saying is that you, dear reader, should go down to the Gateway Mall, slap down a buck-fifty, and see this thing stone-cold sober.
At this point, the average reader is thinking that I’ve lost my mind. Perhaps I have, but I personally found watching “Crossroads” to be a fascinating experience for a myriad of reasons.
1. The audience is supposed to believe that Britney’s character is an unpopular nerd who is so desperate to fit in that she’s willing to lose her virginity to her even nerdier lab partner.

2. Throughout the course of “Crossroads,” there are approximately 67,000 scenes in which the three main characters sing along with the radio in their sporty convertible (which happens to be owned by a “really hot guy” from “the wrong side of the tracks.” Embrace the cliché.).
3. During one of these scenes, the radio song in question is “Bye Bye Bye” by ‘N Sync. Just in case anybody out there has been in a coma lately, Britney recently broke up with ‘N Sync dude Justin Timberlake, and seeing Ms. Spears singing along with him is both bizarre and gratifying.
4. Being in a room with dozens of people (read: 12- to 18-year-old girls) that a) actually listen to Britney Spears and b) are taking the movie seriously is an utterly indescribable and unique event.
5. The very first scene that Britney is in has her jumping up and down on her bed in her underwear.
If those five reasons aren’t enough to convince someone to see “Crossroads,” then I’m forced to question whether or not he or she registers a pulse.
Speaking of heartless folks, the first video from Eminem‘s new album, “The Eminem Show,” features the pale pottymouth dressed up as Osama bin Laden. During “Without Me,” the fatigue-clad Eminem bin Laden is seen in a cave, initially trying to escape, but finally giving up and throwing down the phat rhymes. It’s a pretty surreal experience.
And lastly, exciting news abounds for Wilco fans: The buzz band of the moment has already recorded a follow-up to the masterful “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” and is even planning to work on the follow-up to the follow-up.
This past February, the band entered the studio for a week and came out with “Decibels Per Minute,” an album featuring four new Jeff Tweedy songs and four mostly instrumental pieces that were co-authored by the whole band. And this summer, the band will go back to the studio for work on their “next” next release.
Tweedy emphasized to Rolling Stone that fans shouldn’t hold their breath, as there is no release date yet set for the two new projects. “We’re just trying to do exercises: writing together, learning to play with one mind. Maybe we’ll do a best-of that’s only known to us.”
Seeing as how “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” just came out in April, I guess Wilco fans can’t be too greedy. Or can they? Keep your ears peeled for “Decibels Per Minute” on the black market. Some music is just too good to wait for.