Maybe I’m stressed out from midterms.
Maybe I’ve got tonsillitis. Maybe I’m coming down with pneumonia.
Because I’ve been watching these Winter Olympics, and there’s just certain things I can’t figure out. I’m confused. Mixed up in the head. Slowed down by this Olympic cold.
Please, I’m crying out for help here.
Does anybody know why they announce the medal winners in French before English? Did they move the Olympics to Montreal in the middle of the night without notifying anybody? Did France win the second-most-fans-in-Salt-Lake-so-they-announce-all-the-medals-in-French award?
On a separate note, did old guys really need to talk “snowboard speak” to the American boarders who swept the half-pipe on Monday? It’s really sort of embarrassing. Did the Oregonian need to run the headline “Bionic, dude! A U.S. sweep”?
One SportsCenter reporter, who tried desperately to sprinkle a few mentions of “sick” and “gnarly” throughout his interview with the trio Monday night, actually ended the interview by saying: “You guys were awesome. Is that a cool word to use?”
The snowboarders responded by smiling bleakly, too dumbfounded to speak. These guys are Olympians, too. They understand that Olympic medals mean slightly more than X-Games medals, so cut them some slack … dude.
Moving on, how cool are Canadians? If I wasn’t an American, I’d be a Canadian. I’m now officially rooting for Canada. Why? Because they’re just good people. Those two figure skaters, Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, got absolutely cheated out of a gold medal. They were robbed, blindsided with an Eastern right hook that came from the general direction of the former USSR, and had their gold medals replaced with silver ones.
Their reaction? A shrug, a few tears, lots of hugs. A big ol’ high-five for the Russian winners.
Canadians.
Keeping with the figure-skating theme, I can’t wait until the women’s singles get under way. Before you call me a pansy, check out the tape of Bob Costas interviewing American teammates Michelle Kwan, Sarah Hughes and Sasha Cohen the other night. These three girls, all Americans, hate each other — with a capital H. Don’t be surprised if metal tire irons are brought out on the night of the competition. Can you say Tonya Harding?
And furthering my sickness, what’s all the hulabaloo about Picabo? She’s the most decorated skier in American history? Ummm, she won a gold and a silver. We Americans need some more decoration. She’s had a million and a half knee surgeries, and we expected her to win gold? We have expectations that are too high for overrated athletes.
Is there any name cooler than Johnny Moseley’s “dinner roll” trick?
Is there any sport cooler than curling? Well, maybe a few.
Like, for instance, the biathlon. Have you ever tried cross country skiing, then shooting a rifle at a target 50 meters away ASAP? Yeah. It’s tough. Real tough. Let me tell you.
And, on a final note, does anybody know why an international event can stir up so much national pride? Seeing the World Trade Center flag carried in, a team — the “Miracle on Ice” U.S. hockey team from 1980 — lighting the Olympic flame, each American medal more important than the last, it just ignites this small flame of its own in the gut of most Americans at a time when those fires need desperately to be lit.
Who’s ready for the hockey to start?
E-mail sports reporter Peter Hockaday
at [email protected].