Tim Dreier, a sophomore economics major, is running for ASUO president.
Q: There are at last count, 10 tickets running for ASUO executive, which is more than in previous years. What do you think will set yourself apart from the other candidates?
A: I’m the only candidate who’s interested in eliminating subversives from our campus. The other candidates have no regard for our predicament and therefore cannot be trusted. I can be trusted to perform my duties and eliminate subversives from campus.
Q: What is your platform?
A: My platform consists of a few major components. First of all, eliminating the Red threat to our American way of life. And secondly, ferreting out Communists and other subversives in the ASUO through the establishment of an ASUO Un-American Activities Committee. Thirdly, using our resources in conjunction with other student leadership around the nation to fight Communism on a national and even global level. Lastly, I plan to replace the pioneer father statue on 13th (Avenue) with a statue of patriot Joe McCarthy. All subversives who pass beneath this monument to our greatest hero will tremble in fear and know they will be black-listed.
Q: What specific campus-oriented initiatives will you champion?
A: Mostly I will champion the replacement of the pioneer father with Joe McCarthy. Such a monument will increase anti-subversive and anti-communism sentiment on campus. A McCarthy monument will help us have a united front against all possible threats. The Red scare is real — from Cuba, from Russia, from China, from Vietnam and from North Korea. We must be on watch at all times, and a McCarthy monument will remind those of us on campus that we must be diligent at all times or we may fall to our enemies.
Q: What will you advocate on the state level for students, and how will you carry out your plans?
A: On the state level, I will advocate for student safety from this Red menace. The state must understand that we need help finding subversives on campus and keeping the upstanding students secure from all communist threats. I will also hear student concerns regarding subversive activity and do what I can to solve the problem. Any student with concerns about communism or subversive behavior will be more than welcome to take those concerns to me for consideration at the state level.
Q: How would you define diversity, and how do you plan to bring together the diverse voices on campus?
A: To me, this word sounds like subversive rhetoric for dividing thought and taking over the weak-minded. There can be only one voice on campus — a voice united against the growing Red menace to our way of life. The voices of dissent need to be investigated for possible connections to the Communist Party. Again, we need only one voice to stand strong against communism.
Q: If two student groups were at odds with each other, how would you resolve the conflict?
A: Dueling pistols. This is a simple and elegant solution, don’t you think? The group whose representative survives the duel is obviously the group who wins the conflict. Eventually there will be no conflicts because the groups will be too concerned about dying to whine about problems.
Q: If there was one thing you can change about the University instantly, what would it be?
A: I would instantly eliminate all subversives on campus. Subversives detract from the campus environment, and I would like to see them removed.
Q: How would you do things differently than the current ASUO executive?
A: The ASUO would no longer be a place friendly to communism. Subversives would learn to fear the ASUO office. The current administration is communist-loving and far too left. I would be much, much different.
E-mail student activities editor Kara Cogswell at [email protected].