As a graduating student from the University, I feel privileged to be the next phone number that is dialed to ask for money, the next e-mail address that is spammed for surveys, and more ironically, the current harassee of the sad plight of a local army recruiter.
Forget the signature hounds interrupting the useless fact-cramming I’m trying to do on the way to class; Sgt. Ryan of the U.S. Army would like to talk to me about the “endless education and career opportunities the Army has to offer!” While I can’t argue that everyone in the Army is no doubt getting an education, I can’t help but wonder if this is the kind they signed up for.
“Mr. Ryan,” I say, “please take me off your list, as there is no way in hell I’m joining any branch of the military!” Sure that this would fend him off, I had my finger on the hang-up button ready to get on with my day.
“Why do you hate the military?” he barked, catching me off guard. Not having remembered using the word “hate” in my previous sentence, I stumbled as I usually do with irrational telemarketers trying to change my mind. “What do you mean, why do I hate the military? Look at everything that is going on overseas! Like I would ever work for a commander in chief who has trouble forming sentences!” Flashes of a bumper sticker reading, “No one died when Clinton lied” were vivid now, and all I could do was cut Sgt. Ryan off and vow to file suit when he called me again.
It’s spring now in our beautiful troubled town of Eugene. Our current identity crisis is only looking to get worse if the likes of Nancy Nathanson receives the anti-progressive mayoral torch. We are sheltered somewhat, of the atrocities being committed by our fellow Americans, and military recruiters are trying to rally the ignorant and unaware, even in Eugene, to join their disgusting “crusade.”
Well, Mr. Ryan, I won’t go! I will be the best patriot I know and fight for my country with thought and leadership rather than testosterone and a $400 billion purse. I will pray that those I love who chose the military under a non war-mongrel leader will not be drawn into the fruitless slaughter, maliciously guided by a spoiled “C” student! I am not fooled by Fox News. And though liberalism is under attack, even in our pseudo-progressive community, I am proud to be left-wing and to call the “right” wrong!