What is it with this country and nudity?
In 2002, ABC News reported that Attorney General John Ashcroft demanded the placement of a large $8,000 drape to cover the exposed breast of the “Spirit of Justice” statue located in the U.S. Justice Department. The tasteless, nay, perverted display of the art apparently offended his virgin eyes.
Now, Federal Communications Commission Chairman Michael Powell is expressing his “outrage” at the breast mishap during Sunday’s Super Bowl halftime show. For anybody who doesn’t use halftime as a good opportunity to take a short nap, Janet Jackson’s breast was exposed — complete with some odd-looking, sun-shaped device to cover the nipple — when favorite drama queen Justin Timberlake apparently ripped off a portion of her outfit. (He later blamed a “wardrobe malfunction.”)
At least, that’s sure what it looked like. Of course, everybody denies that it was planned, now that public fury has since reached a boiling point.
Luckily for us, Internet newshound Matt Drudge had an EXTREME CLOSEUP of “the breast” posted on his Web site, along with his infamous anonymous sources he loves so much who insisted that the event was planned. And further inspection of the nipple in question shows that the “metal ‘solar’ nipple medallion” that Jackson was wearing does not, in fact, cover much of anything; one could see the whole shebang. We imagine it was coincidence that Timberlake exposed “the breast” — excuse us, accidentally exposed “the breast” — seconds after singing the end of his annoying hit, “Rock Your Body,” which concludes less-than-subtlety, “I’m gonna have you naked by the end of this song!”
But the circumstances of whether broadcast executives planned the exposure pales in comparison to the absurdity of the public and regulatory reaction to “the breast” (of course, nobody seemed to care about the national broadcast of Timberlake’s lyrics, which glorify and explore the potential consequences of rocking one’s body). The FCC on Monday launched a full-scale investigation into “the breast,” causing many to believe that Jackson’s nipple may quite possibly be the most controversial thing since Bill Clinton’s appreciation for them, or at least those that didn’t belong to his wife.
Well, what did the FCC expect? MTV — the channel that markets cleavage like IHOP markets pancakes — produced the half-time show.
Said Powell: “I am outraged at what I saw during the half-time show of the Super Bowl. Like millions of Americans, my family and I gathered around the television for a celebration. Instead, that celebration was tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt. Our nation’s children, parents and citizens deserve better.”
NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue said “the breast” incident was “offensive, embarrassing to us and our fans, and inappropriate.”
“We will change our policies, our people and our processes before the next Super Bowl to ensure that this entertainment is far more effectively dealt with,” he said.
For some reason, any remote possibility of seeing some skin broadcast is treated like the end of days, as evidenced by Powell’s reaction. It’s almost as if he thinks his kids will be forced to undergo years of invasive therapy to correct the dramatic psychosexual damage that a single nipple inflicted upon their fragile psyches. Never mind the rapes and murders beamed into our televisions daily that Powell’s kids probably witnessed before the game — those are all OK. It’s those damn nipples that should be regulated.
America is indeed a prude nation when it comes to the human form. Our priorities are misaligned when it’s perfectly acceptable to depict a woman being raped on television, just as long as you don’t show any body parts.