Fantasy football has changed my life.
Read that sentence again.
Yes, I am pathetic.
Now that my lack of a social life has
become embarrassingly evident, let me explain my love for the game of numbers.
For those of you who don’t know what fantasy football is, a brief explanation goes something like this: Leagues are formed by team “owners,” who build their squads with NFL players based on statistical muscle. Owners compete with one another within the league, with points being awarded for touchdowns, yards, etc.
Most of the game’s excitement comes from the money wagered between owners. Some leagues cost nothing to join, providing simple, friendly competition. Others, however, cost hundreds of dollars to enter and can make the winning owner a healthy chunk of change.
Fantasy football has been around for a while, but I’m just getting my first taste of the craze. I’ve had several offers to join leagues in the past, but I always viewed the game as something that complicated the simple enjoyment of rooting for one’s favorite team.
My stepbrother finally convinced me to join a league on Yahoo.com, where each of the 10 participants wagered $20 on the season. In true Pete Rose fashion, I feel having a little something on the line makes a competitive event more interesting. The chance to make $200 was too much to pass up.
On the night before our league draft, I found myself doing Internet research on
successful fantasy owners and their strategies for building a great squad. Winning was all I could think about. I didn’t want to go to sleep. I just wanted our league to get started.
On the night of the draft, I sat in front of my laptop 20 minutes early, armed with a pair of 20-oz. Mountain Dews and the ambition to construct the greatest fantasy football team known to man. It was truly a sad, sad day in my life.
Once I found out I owned the first pick in the draft, I started posting trade offers on the message board and acting far too excited. Hell, I might as well have been an NFL coach in a war room on draft day.
It got so bad that my stepbrother had to announce to an audience that it was my first fantasy draft and beg others to show patience with my abundant rambling.
After drafting a team led by Kansas City running back and fantasy god Priest Holmes, it was time to sit back and follow each player’s success. After the NFL’s opening week had passed, I realized just how fun being part of a fantasy league was. It made me follow every game even closer than before and study injury reports with extreme detail.
I won my head-to-head match-up each of the first two weeks, leading to yet another fun aspect of fantasy football: league message boards.
Fantasy message boards are home to some of the best smack talking on the planet, especially when the
league is filled with young men in their 20s, who love nothing more than rubbing a victory in an opponent’s face.
Unfortunately, there are some downsides to the game. It’s impossible to be a fan and a fantasy owner at the same time. If you want to succeed as the latter, you have to put your love for a particular team or player aside and strictly draft players that will produce.
Second, managing the roster can become more time-consuming than
originally expected. I spend at least 20 minutes each day searching the waiver wire for talent left behind and cooking up various trade proposals to better my team.
Finally, running my team has moved far too high on my life priority list. When I was in a hotel in the Midwest during the summer, and unable to reach a computer, I called a friend at 2 a.m. and had her try to sign a free agent for me.
Yes, I am a waste of flesh.
Fantasy football has changed my life.
And that’s probably not a good thing.

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