Story by Caroline Sherratt
Photo by Devin Ream
“It’s going to be controversial,” begins Dan Savage. The best-selling author, love advice columnist, and host of MTV’s Savage U delivered a humorous and boldly honest live talk at the University of Oregon on October 15^th as part of his college tour. Presented by the UO’s Health Center, Savage’s discussion marked the finale of a series of campus events to celebrate the release of the new app Sex Positive, which gives users access to any questions they may have pertaining to sex education.
Savage is famous for speaking openly about anything pertaining to homophobia and sex, and he did just that during his question and answer event. Natives from Eugene and students alike came to witness Savage in person. Among them were freshmen Alexis Amavisca and Ashley Berry who had “seen him on TV and [were] so excited.”  The audience’s excitement only escalated as Savage dove into questions people wrote on cards prior to his arrival.  Kinks of all varieties and types of fetishes spilled out in the discussion as Savage answered questions regarding what to do with a new girlfriend or how to take the relationship to the next stage when one’s partner has more exotic tastes.   He addressed peoples’ concerns about trying new things, and noted that people are uncomfortable with unfamiliarity.
Savage advised, “people need to take time” when accessing a new experience or relationship, and most importantly be comfortable with their partner.  Through his honest and thoughtful advice, Savage almost always had the audience laughing.  Humor is perhaps the reason Savage is so charismatic and approachable; it felt like a private conversation about personal sexual inquiries, rather than a public forum.
When a virgin audience member mentioned she didn’t know enough about sex and what to do next, Savage did not mock the innocence of the question, but rather replied, “Sex is a skill and desires are complicated,” before stressing the importance of sex education, learning, as well as “safety and negotiation” in relationships.  At all times, it was clear that he wanted the audience to understand that sex is something that humans do for pleasure, not purely recreation, but it is also a fundamental of a strong and lasting relationship.  Sex is something that has to be discussed so partners can be on the same page.  He even cited that writing about sex in a journal can help anyone who feels awkward far more comfortable with addressing the topic.
More sexually experienced audience members chimed in asking how to spice up sex life after one has been with their partner for a long time.  To this, the Savage responded, “adventure and fun, and at the end of the adventure is an orgasm.”  He compared the yearnings for sex to a “tide [that] goes out and comes back in” with time and can be dwindled by life pressures, too.
The laughter died down as a more serious topic arose: slut shaming.  To this, he pleaded to the audience to end the name-calling and this horrific nature that is causing women to feel like outcasts for simply loving sex. Savage explained that labeling someone as a slut or whore is demeaning and places a judgment on their lifestyle choices.  Slut shaming has occurred for thousands of years, and for his very reason he strongly cautioned audience members against using the term. People responded very well to Savage’s response to the question by applauding his wise words and advice to stop this enigma
University of Oregon student Olivia Feliciano stated that she and her girl friends are retiring that phrase and that she now has “a profound respect” for Savage following the talk.  Feliciano also added that his “humor and seriousness helped in getting his points across.”  Indeed, Savage did break the ice with these tactics, making gay, straight, transgendered, bisexual, and people of all backgrounds feel comfortable in asking their most pressing sex-related questions. Eugene natives Doug and Robin Quirke added that his compassion and understanding in “knowing the history of the queer communities’ struggle” for equality helped them feel comfortable in letting their own child explore what sexuality is and means in a welcoming environment. Dan Savage is definitely the man to talk to when it comes to burning questions about sex, sexuality, and the desire for affection.

Gallery • 3 Photos

Savage answering empathetically over a question asked by an audience member.