I’m drinking a $12 beer at the Moda Center while a sea of teens and their virtuous mamas scatter below me. Miss shawty of the moment herself, Dua Lipa, is set to go on in 15 minutes, and as I sip a brew that costs what I make hourly, I realize that I’m living out one of those movie moments when the record scratches and a voiceover says “you’re probably wondering how I got here.”
The sequined outfits in the stadium are overwhelming, and the perfume from my section smells like a flower bomb exploded. There are $95 baby pink Dua Lipa sweatpants at the merch booth, and they are flying off the shelves faster than toilet paper in 2020. Before Miss Lipa even took the stage, the whole operation screamed pop through and through.
When she did come out, the crowd let out this shrill roar for her that lasted for at least a minute.
The show opened with this 80s power pop video intro where Miss Lipa introduced each of her dancers by name. She earned some brownie points with that one; that was pretty thoughtful right off the bat.
She took the stage wearing a skin tight yellow jumpsuit, and if i’m honest, the first thing I remember thinking was “damn, that woman has smooth armpits.” Let this bring me to my point. Miss Lipa is one of the most objectively attractive people of this generation — any dimwit can admit to drooling over this bangin 26 year-old — but in addition to her looks, it’s her presence that makes her special.
The sex appeal and charisma in literally every single thing she did on stage left the crowd’s mouth hanging open. That’s why when she was singing songs like “New Rules,” I turned to our photographer and said “Why are so many of these songs about men being absolute dogs to Miss Lipa? Where could you find the audacity to dog Miss Queen Lipa?”
And the outfit changes? Superb. There were about seven different outfits in the whole show with each one out-doing the previous. I really don’t know how anyone can put on a cheeky glitter jumpsuit in 3 seconds flat while still keeping their hair perfect. Is she a witch?
One thing I admit bothered me a bit was all the gimmicks. She has a great voice, and the motifs seemed to take away from that a bit, but I guess for a short-attention-spanned audience demographic, it’s completely excusable. And that’s what an arena show is all about anyway, I suppose.
I didn’t quite get it when there were two roller skaters spinning around her on stage while she belted “Cool,” and the giant inflatable lobster that humped the stage while she performed “We’re Good” pulled me away from the song. But the stunts finally clicked for me during “Levitating.”
Miss Lipa sported a lush black catsuit as she hopped into an elevated half-cage. A solar system was projected behind her while inflatable planets and stars lowered from the ceiling. As she started to sing, she flew over the crowd and made the whole levitating thing undeniably literal. For lack of a better phrase, it was tight as hell.
So did the Emerald team have the night of our lives at Miss Lipa’s Portland show? I don’t know. Why don’t you ask our $15 Dua Lipa tube socks?
