Opinion: There are multiple reasons for staying in the closet and each one is valid. The issue arises when people are “outed” and forced to reveal their sexuality.
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The persistent issue of widespread intolerance has led people to conceal their identity and sexual orientation, thus “hiding in the closet.” According to Yale School of Medicine, a recent study showed that approximately 83% of those who identify as LGBT keep their orientation hidden from all or most people in their life. Although frustrating, we must recognize that the closet is a safe place and staying in it might be the best option for some.

Closets are small, dark and private places. So, if you think about it, it makes sense that this term is used to describe hiding one’s identity or keeping something a secret.

I grew up in a conservative and traditional city where homophobic slurs are common insults, conversion therapy is still a very prevalent issue and people freely express their disgust towards the LGBTQ+ community. Growing up in a community that demonizes and alienates same-sex relationships can be very scary. Although I found comfort in the safety of being in the closet, hiding my sexuality was depressing and lonely.

For people who live in progressive cities and have accepting families, it can be hard to understand why someone would be concerned about the negative effects of coming out.
A person might choose to stay inside the closet because they fear their physical safety could be threatened. According to the Williams Institute School of Law, LGBTQ+ people are four times more likely to face violent victimization than cis heterosexual individuals. Additionally, it is estimated that 698 000 LGBT adults in the U.S. have received conversion therapy, from which approximately 50% were subjected to the practice while still adolescents. At the moment, an estimated 16 000 LGBT youth will receive conversion therapy from a licensed health care professional before they reach the age of 18 in the 32 states that currently do not ban the practice. 

When one realizes that these are very real things happening around oneself, towards friends and queer people one knows, it is inevitable to feel frightened. 

Another reason for staying in the closet might be the fear of receiving backlash from family members. Since families tend to be an important part of people’s lives, conflict and rejection can create a lot of stress, anxiety and depression for LGBTQ+ people. According to the Newport Academy, suicide rates among trans teens were 5.9 times higher than the average among all teens, and gay, lesbian and bisexual youth were 3.7 times more likely to attempt committing suicide. 
Also, most teenagers and young adults are still economically dependent on their families, so breaking bonds can cause a lot of unforeseen instability. It is completely understandable if someone decides not to share a particular part of their identity with their family. There are multiple reasons for staying in the closet and each one is valid. The issue arises when people are “outed,” meaning that they are forced outside of the closet when someone reveals their sexuality without their consent.

During high school, I was outed to my friends by someone I thought I trusted. I dedicated the next few years to convincing everyone that I was straight. However, later I was outed to some family members. I wasn’t ready to share that part of my identity in both scenarios. I felt like the floor under my feet collapsed and I had nothing to hold on to. 

The act of outing someone is a violation of their privacy and can be very detrimental to a person’s mental health. When forced to reveal a deeply personal part of their identity on someone else’s terms, one can often feel blindsided. I struggled a lot after those events; simply trying to cope and process my emotions was difficult. I had to accept the fact that it was no longer my choice to decide who I would tell and whether I felt comfortable with them knowing or not. 

I remember someone telling me “they were doing the right thing.” They respected me, but couldn’t keep it a secret from others because “they deserved to know.” Did it ever cross their mind that maybe it was my choice to make?

When people are outed, they are exposed and forced outside their safety zone without any preparation. They are put in vulnerable and even dangerous positions.

Coming out is a personal process. When and how to come out should only be up to the individual.