This Thanksgiving, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. After his family had their traditional holiday meal on Thanksgiving day, I was invited to go over to his childhood home and eat dessert that his mother prepared: slices of pumpkin and apple pie. I not only met the parents, but also the older sister, uncle, aunt and cousin. It was an event I had anticipated for a while — I couldn’t wait to meet the people who raised him, the people who played such an important part in shaping the person he is today.
The meeting went beyond my expectations. The family was immediately kind, open and sincere. They were curious about me, my endeavors, my past. They wanted to connect with me. I felt honored and appreciated. They even made a toast at the table — to me.
However, as evidenced by the infamous movie, “Meet the Parents,” not all first impressions run so smoothly. This is especially harrowing since your relationship with the parents of your significant has the power to hurt or enhance.
This holiday, if you’re meeting the parents for the first time, or even for the second or third time, here are some tips to help ensure the meeting will be memorable — in a good way.
Bring something to the table
When you’re invited over for dinner, don’t arrive empty-handed. Bring a bottle of wine, chocolates, a dessert — whatever you deem fit for the occasion. If you have trouble coming up with ideas, ask your significant other if he or she has any suggestions — maybe there is a certain dessert that’s always been a favorite of the family.
Ask questions — before the meal
If you know little about his or her parents before the meeting, make sure you ask questions before. It’s impressive — flattering even — to bring up a conversation starting with, “So, Joe was telling me that you…” It shows that you cared enough to ask questions about the family beforehand, and that you and their son or daughter is open enough with each other to share some of these familial details — however big or small.
Help the hosts
If you’ve been invited to their house, help whenever you can. Whether it’s setting the table, pouring drinks or helping clean the dishes, being a grateful guest shows maturity and thoughtfulness.
Offer to pay
If I am invited out to eat with a boyfriend’s parents, or even friends of parents, I find myself in an awkward situation when the bill arrives at our table. Would it be polite to offer to pay my share, even when I know it’s not expected of me? My conclusion? It doesn’t hurt. Chances are, the parents will not accept, but it is still impressive to show that you don’t just assume they will pay.
Thank, thank and thank some more
Was the ham delicious? Was the apple pie especially well done? Tell them that. Even if you don’t feel like anything particularly stood out during the meal, compliment. Then, compliment some more — for their hospitality, for the meal, for their generosity. In these circumstances, you can never appear too grateful.
Just smile and laugh
Even if you’re sweating profusely and your heart is beating quickly, try to calm yourself down. Enjoy the moment. You are meeting your loved one’s parents after all, and this will be an evening you will all remember forever. So, relax, make jokes and be yourself. Showing you’re confident and at ease, even when deep down you’re not? There is really nothing more appealing.
A guide to meeting the parents this holiday season
Daily Emerald
November 25, 2012
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