You’ve finally committed to seeing Eugene’s bigger, weirder brother to the north: Portland.
Let me lay down the reason that Portland is so famous for its food, microbreweries and strangeness. It rains about 70 percent of the year in Portland — so most of the time is spent indoors in this city.
Let’s assume that you were feeling extra adventurous and decided to get into the city early. I would recommend an out-of-this-world breakfast at the Industrial Cafe and Saloon. There isn’t a wrong choice on the menu — unless you hate food.
You probably stuffed your gullet at Industrial and you probably would like to earn a few calorie spaces back. From the restaurant, you are close to what I believe is the most beautiful bridge in Portland, crossing over a heavy industrial area with a view that is arguably less than beautiful.
Well, that’s enough scenery for one day. It’s time for beer, beer and more outstanding beer.
I don’t have time to run down every pub and brewery that this city has to offer but I’ll send you to a few that will give you the right taste of Portland beer. Deschutes, Rogue, BridgePort and Tugboat are a few that can be found between the 405 and Burnside Bridge. These are in walking distance of each other — tolerance to good beer not accounted for — and are all worth their hour. Two things to keep in mind: This city has very few alleyways, making blocks shorter and inner-city crime impeccably low. You are only skimming the suds when it comes to what Portland brewing has to offer.
Now, time for more of that calorie burning:
In the brewery bubble, you are only a short walk to the park under the Burnside Bridge. This is likely a Saturday and you can have the honor of attending the Saturday Market. If you thought Hirons had all the trinkets in the world — you are mistaken. You will be overwhelmed by what is known as the ‘artist’ market. From glass blowing, wood carving and bracelet making to elephant ears and perfectly blended spices: Every art is in store. This is your chance to grab your own Portland souvenir.
Next is dinner … and you must leave early for this one. Apizza Scholls is located down at the end of Hawthorne. You want to get there early because the line can easily be out the door. The wait is definitely worth it. Some days I starve all day — just so I have more room. This Oregon pizza joint successfully creates a unique New York-style pizza — one so good it even caught a personal visit from Anthony Bourdain.
Now, it’s time for adventure. If you see the Portland Spirit, look away and keep walking past this shady vessel. It may advertise as an adventurous dinner cruise — but trust me: You can find better on your own. I’d recommend renting or going on your own kayak tour — before or after lunch, if you really want to see the river.
Unless you’re 21, I’m sorry, this is where you will be left behind. If dancing is what you want, your best bet will be at The Whiskey Bar or over at The Barrel Room — a lot of people our age can be found and you’ll make some new friends.
If the club isn’t your scene, you can get a taste of the real Portland locals at Bunk Bar across Morrison. I’d recommend them above most Portland bars for the food and atmosphere. The people are generally above par and the sandwiches are enough to take down any sandwich connoisseur. If you still need more Portland then maybe it’s time you tried something sweet to knock you to sleep — the original Voodoo Doughnut — which has been frequented so many Food and Travel Network productions. If you’ve never indulged in the absurd maple bacon bar, it is time to sin, my friend. The choices may be overwhelming so I recommend you get the Voodoo Dozen — a random assortment picked just for you.
I’m betting that you are in a food-beer coma — and Sunday has finally hit you. It’s OK. There will be more food and cocktails to get you up to speed. If you’re not a fan of Bloody Mary, this may convert you: The Screen Door offers the best that can be made on Earth. Trust me. It’s worth it. Plus, they boast a great breakfast.
If you didn’t plan to kayak the Willamette Falls and want to keep your feet dry, the Japanese Garden is always a safe bet for exercise and an amazing view of Portland. If you are planning to leave early, catch the sunrise here before you go. It’s particularly epic when some clouds are out and you catch the side of Mt. Hood illuminated outside of the city.
Warning: Instagram will not do this wondrous city any sort of justice.
Things to remember in this strange, new place: Radio Cab is the most reliable cab service. » Portland is very weird. » Don’t hang in Chinatown after dark. » Pay for the Max.