Blood rushed to my cheeks, sweat flooded my palms and my body trembled nervously under the fluorescent lights. Small tables covered with Hershey’s kisses encircled 39 other students and me in the Hamilton Hall. Anxious as hell, I waited for the event to commence. I had no clue that after my first three-minute date I would fall in love with the tall, smiley guy before me.
Speed dating enlivened my lackluster love life during my freshman year at the University. During that magical experience, I boosted my dating “game” and in a serendipitous first encounter, met my college sweetheart.
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I write about speed dating today for three reasons. As a nostalgic proponent of the intense matching game, I’ve noticed a lack of event offerings for teens and 20-somethings and wanted to investigate why. I love pondering speed dating as a social phenomenon – it is analyzed well in Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Blink.” Perhaps most importantly, I recently chose to part ways with my favorite speed dater and have since realized how much I miss him.
For readers unfamiliar with speed dating, it involves meeting a slew of strangers in timed “dates” and was popularized by movies and TV shows such as “Hitch” and “Sex and the City.” After the dates, participants indicate whom they like best on a list. They cross their fingers in hopes that their favorite dates chose them as well and they wait to hear back from event organizers for their matches via phone or e-mail. Sometimes, in cases like mine, a unnerving twist is thrown when mutually interested parties do not receive their match notifications and must pursue each other on their own gumption.
I was first introduced to speed dating in the University residence halls. Ashley Stevenson, a programming representative from student government, was among the organizers who planned the event I attended in February 2006. She and I have since worked together and become friends.
According to Stevenson and Annie Ward, vice president of programming for the Residence Hall Association, student organizers have since been discouraged from hosting speed dating as a program within the dorms.
I’ve been disappointed about this rule during the past two years, as I knew of few other places that hosted speed dating for young people in Eugene, but now I understand the reasoning behind the ban.
“It’s good because you’re meeting people and getting yourself out there, but it’s not really inclusive, as not everyone wants to speed date a member of the opposite sex,” Ward said. At the 2006 event, males sat on one side of the table and females on the other.
Stevenson and Ward said that while offering separate circles for gay, lesbian and straight students to speed date would be more inclusive than offering one circle, this format could “out” students and make them uncomfortable.
“You need to be sensitive and approach speed dating with a kind heart,” Stevenson said.
“You can face rejection and it may seem that you need help dating if you attend,” she said. “At the same time, some people are really busy and need that extra push to get out there and date. Who knows what those three minutes will lead to?”
Stevenson is unaware of other speed dating opportunities for young people in the Eugene area since this program in the dorms has been eliminated; however, some students have arranged speed “friending” programs as an alternative to the dating format.
In Eugene, www.Cupid.com/PreDating offers speed dating opportunities, but only for singles ages 36 to 47 and 43 to 56. The organization states that it creates a “fun, no pressure way for busy professionals to meet” at local restaurants. Participants pay $35 to attend, unlike the residence hall version, which was free to residents.
The PreDating event coordinator declined to comment on the lack of events for younger people.
Beyond local events for older demographics, in-person speed dating seems nonexistent in Eugene, based on my research. Instead, entrepreneurs are taking advantage of abundunt social networking sites and the widespread use of webcams to converge speed dating with online dating.
Real-life speed dating may be problematic in some regards, but at least participants get face-to-face interaction and learn social skills. I would love to come up with a new speed dating format made inclusive and accessible to young people in the area.
I am thankful for the fearlessness it endowed me with and the shyness it helped me to conquer. Meeting and ranking strangers based on a succession of first impressions seemed silly and shallow to me back then. I hated the idea of feeling vulnerable and open to others’ judgment. And, at the same time, I longed to push beyond my comfort zone to feel a raw, flirty energy.
Most of the eccentric men I dated did not spark my interest, but entertained me. “Uh, I’m kinda broke right now. I bought more pot than I could afford,” one guy explained.
“I like to hang out in the basement and watch people,” another admitted.
My first official date of the evening and I talked about our hometowns, siblings and mutual friends – not once did we have to revert to the list of conversation-sparkers posted in front of us. I returned home aglow that night, and certain that I would bump into my favorite speed dater whenever possible.
My speed dating experience created love life pizazz and hilarious stories to tell my dormies. It also introduced me to my boyfriend of more than two years who enriched my college experience greatly.
Right now, my life feels complete except for that fact that I’m missing the one person I should never have let go. To him, I am sorry for the hurt. To our mutual friends, I am sorry for the confusion.
I would like to invite that tall, smiley guy – my favorite speed dater – to meet me back at the original spot Friday at 7 p.m. for a second speed date and a fresh start.
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