So we’ve come to college, that crazy place where choices hop upon our doorsteps in neatly wrapped packages with “try me” on their tags, all done up in tinsel and little bows. We look at these in delight and wear what we’ve come to find proudly on our foreheads or secretly in our closets, all the while singing, “Freedom!”
But alongside new things that are tried, there is always that inherent risk of how the outcome will affect us. And of the many fetishes we college kids like to partake of, one that is particularly prevalent involves living together with a boyfriend or girlfriend outside of marriage.
I must say it is quite the trend these days, almost as common as Starbucks coffee cups, and it seems as harmless. Thus the popular argument: A couple should live together before they get married to make sure they are really right for each other. Couples should have a trial run, or in other words, a chance to run away. Part of the reason for this widespread case of espousalphobia, fear of marriage, is the poor experiences young people have often had in their own family backgrounds. With the increased divorce rate, many young people are hesitant to make lasting commitments.
The term “wedlock” seems to embrace all its connotations. Who wants to be locked? But if marriage is ever a goal in the future, then let me strongly suggest that cohabitation is not the best prerequisite. Although it seems like an advantageous way to test marital compatibility, based on my research on the topic, I believe cohabitation actually leads to a higher divorce rate.
One reason for a higher risk of divorce is that people willing to live together are more unconventional than other people and less committed to the idea of marriage. A 1997 longitudinal study conducted by demographers at Pennsylvania State University concluded that “cohabitation increased young people’s acceptance of divorce” and “the more months of exposure to cohabitation that young people experienced, the less enthusiastic they were toward marriage and child bearing.”
Serial cohabitation should be avoided because the experience of dissolving one relationship after another lessens a person’s ability to deal with and resolve problems. Research done at Macquarie University in Australia found that couples who lived together before marriage “separated more often, sought counseling more often and regarded marriage as a less important part of their life than those who did not live together before marriage.”
I think cohabitation also stems from the fact that people are more self-oriented these days. People know what they want, and they don’t want anyone coming between them and their goals. Marriage means giving a lot up — you have to be willing to center your life around and with another person. If you ask me, from my slightly feminist perspective, the only thing living together implies is sex without commitment and free housekeeping for the man. It is no wonder men are in favor of it; they get their cake and can eat it too!
People claim that you never really know what someone is like until you live with them, but that isn’t true. Sure, people will learn strange things about their spouse once married, like they insist on dancing naked to Bob Marley, and sometimes while getting up in the middle of the night to cook spaghetti. But no matter who you marry, there are always going to be a few personal flaws; no one is perfect, and living together isn’t going to prove that any more than spending good quality time with someone.
We don’t need a preacher to tell us that marriage is good and living together is bad. We just need to look at the statistics of those who choose one option over the other. The facts speak for themselves. Now young people must choose and live with the consequences. As for me, I choose marriage.