Love. You never know when it’s going to strike or how it’s going to affect you. And, as I’m coming to see more and more, you never know where (in the world) you might be when it hits. After returning from a study-abroad experience last summer, I found I had acquired something in my travels that I never expected to bring home with me: a new relationship. My boyfriend, a native Glaswegian, and I met in New Zealand last spring. Since the end of our study abroad experience we have seen each other on two occasions: once over the summer when I made the trek to Scotland, and once over winter break when he flew here.
Being so far apart is certainly not easy, and at times I felt we were the only couple in the world in this position. It seemed that no one could truly understand our situation. How wrong I was.
As I have discovered during the last few months, there is a whole world of international relationships out there. Without even looking, I keep running into people who are in the same position as myself. The numbers are quite surprising, as are the success rates. Many of these relationships, though not all, were initially formed on international exchanges, and they continue via phone, e-mail and webcam.
Sahra, a junior at the University, has been dating her New Zealander boyfriend for nearly a year now. They met when she was studying abroad in Dunedin, New Zealand. Although she returned to the states last summer, they’ve managed to keep the relationship strong. Thanks to the reversed seasons in the Southern Hemisphere, her beau was able to venture to the States this winter and spend three months in Eugene, where he has been living with Sahra and experiencing America for the first time. When the couple cannot be together, they rely on e-mails and phone cards to stay in touch, speaking nearly every day. Although daily phone chats are eagerly anticipated and enjoyed, they can also at times be a source of frustration.
“If you have some sort of argument or are upset, you have no other way of comforting the person,” Sahra said. “It can be really hard to show how you feel over the phone. You can’t cuddle a phone.”
Lack of physical contact is one of the obvious pitfalls of long-distance relationships, and it is a strong deterrent for many. Yet, in a way, the lack of physical contact can be compensated for with a stronger emotional connection.
“It’s hard ’cause people don’t understand,” said Caity, a University senior, adding that most people don’t understand what it’s like to go through the ups and downs of a relationship without physical contact.
“But you work harder … to understand them and understand their culture,” Caity said.
Caity relies on the telephone as her main source of communication with her European boyfriend, whom she speaks to in another language. She also writes near-daily e-mails.
Another University senior, Julie, prefers using a webcam to speak with her boyfriend, who lives in London. Both parties need access to a high-speed Internet connection to take advantage of this technology, but it provides the benefit of free communication and the ability to see each other’s faces, a welcome perk amidst months apart. Julie met her boyfriend through a friend, and they began their international relationship before ever meeting in person. She remembers feeling nervous about their first face-to-face meeting, which occurred last fall when she participated in a study abroad program in London.
“I told myself that even if he wasn’t what I expected, I still had three months in England and I was going to make the most of it,” she said. “Turns out he was so much more than I expected.”
When asked about the difficulties of having foreign partners, all three women agreed that it adds an element of seriousness to the relationship that isn’t as necessary when dating someone at home.
“It makes you really evaluate the relationship,” Julie said. “You’re putting yourself through a lot of hassle, and there’s no point if you’re not willing to invest a lot. It’s hard, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Well actually,” she continued with a laugh, “I’d change one thing. I’d move him here.”
One of the best ways to keep a long-distance relationship going strong is to have meeting points to look forward to. For Julie, that point isn’t far away, as her boyfriend will be visiting this month. For Sahra, the long-awaited visit is nearly over, and the wait for the highly anticipated next one is about to begin.
“We try to plan ahead to some extent,” she says. “Our goal is to always have a plan for the next time we meet.”
Traveling to see your sweetie certainly is an exciting way to see the world. Jetting off to new destinations also adds an element of romance to the relationship. Who could resist exploring a new country with the person he or she loves? Sure, times in between visits can be difficult, but it definitely helps to know that there are others out there who are experiencing the same feelings and frustrations.
“I used to think it was easier to have a boyfriend here,” said Caity, “but now I don’t really think so.”
The truth is that relationships are hard no matter where you’re located, and they’re always going to take work. Distance certainly isn’t desirable, but it does motivate you to work harder.
After all, as Caity so accurately puts it, “you don’t choose who you fall in love with. You choose what you do with that.”
Lillian Dunlap is a senior at the University.