The winter shopping season is the worst time of the year.
The upside: I get a lot of mail.
The downside: It’s all advertisements.
Consumers probably can’t get rid of Christmas or Santa any time soon, so retailers should make the dreaded shopping experience more pleasant for people who hate shopping. These people are known as men.
We’re cheap and impatient. We have no idea what to get girlfriends and moms, and we think the Dollar Tree offers a prime selection for those special people in our lives.
We like hammering nails into walls, setting up entertainment centers without reading directions and lifting weights in front of people in the Student Recreation Center. Shopping doesn’t fall into those categories.
Last week, Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, marked the beginning of the winter shopping season. Shoppers woke up at the butt-crack of dawn, waited in 100,000-mile long lines, then scrambled inside stores when the doors opened.
I slept until 9:30 a.m. and showed up to an office supply store in search of a thumb drive on sale. Being an un-experienced shopper, I figured I’d be able to buy it because the sale didn’t end until 10, but, of course, the salesman said the store sold
out of the item about 10 minutes after the place opened.
It’s safe to say I’ll be sleeping in next year.
Men would probably enjoy the day a lot more if retailers treated Black Friday as a sporting event.
“Oregon shoppers aren’t as rude as others. They take turns, they don’t get pushy and they stand in line,” one shopper told The Oregonian recently. That’s about to change.
While crazy shoppers line-up around Kmart, spectators will take their seats in the grandstands. When the referees – high schoolers wearing aprons and store nametags – unlock the doors at 5 a.m., the fight begins.
The new event will combine racing and boxing. Fans will clink beer cans together and cheer on soccer moms as the players charge toward the sales items.
“Dude, did you see Andy’s mom punch Katie’s mom?”
“Oooooh! Ed’s mom is getting the plasma!”
Retailers could call it Super Bowl Shopping. Or Black Friday Fight? The Shopper’s Cup? Add some big screen TVs and a miniature golf course, and the sporting version of Black Friday could attract more men to stores.
The resourceful, insightful retail executive is probably wondering what else retailers can do to help attract this anti-shopping organization known as men.
We like to spend as little time as possible in a store, so I say make all of the stores the same. It’s time consuming to read the overhead banners displaying the items in the aisle. Men don’t
need help.
The Oregonian noted a National Retail Federation study found Northwest shoppers spend about $100 less than the national average.
So, retailers take note: Make shopping fun, cheap and quick, or we’ll sleep in or buy our stuff online. And women, when we give you a present that disappoints, blame the retailers – not us.
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