Dirty, germ-infested and painfully slow. Public transportation has garnered these adjectives for its less-than-perfect service.
The service seems to fail the masses when they need it the most. Mr. Meanie Pants Who Always Talks Too Much releases class early. Everyone walks briskly – there are always some sprinters – to the bus stop, thinking the bus will arrive right on time to take students home or to the mall.
Everyone looks hopefully at the buses turning the corner from East 13th Avenue to Kincaid Street, hoping it’s their route’s bus number.
Instead of displaying a route number, they all say, “Garage,” “Out of service,” “Drop off only,” “Ha ha we tricked you,” “You wish,” “Loser!” and “The world hates impatient people so we’re going to teach you a lesson.”
This typically causes outbursts in which students punch signs and yell. It’s a proven fact that students develop visible wrinkles while waiting for the bus.
So it finally arrives. Everyone crowds on like sheep while others trickle off the bus. Somehow the person in front gets pushed to the back – that’d be me – and the bus fills up.
Most Lane Transit District drivers know students are busy people with busy schedules – they have to catch Seinfeld reruns starting at 6 p.m. on TBS – so he or she will let just about everyone onto the bus even if the whole city of Eugene is trying to board.
The driver announces, “Scoot to the back of the bus.” Everyone reluctantly obeys. “Hey you – sit on her lap. We can probably fit a midget into that space if you move.”
Riders look outside and half the city is still standing on the sidewalk. The driver gets back on the loudspeaker: “Everyone else – get on the roof.”
So the driver ties down a few riders, strapping them with ropes safely secured to the roof while the remaining riders hold onto ropes tied to the back of the bus, prepared to use their shoes like rollerblades.
I recommend buying Heelys roller shoes featuring a wheel in the each heel to make it to the Seinfeld viewing.
Long story short: the bus stinks. But I’m here to convince you otherwise – and not because it saves money, the environment, blah, blah, blah.
Knowing that it’s my duty as a Pulse reporter to tell you what is cool, I’m telling you that riding the bus is cooler than previously mentioned Heelys shoes.
Like the Emerald, the bus connects people. Riding on the bus, especially on routes not directly connected to the University station, helps students know what people of their city are like.
I’ve met many people on the bus who make fun of the faults of public transportation. Of course, listening – a polite word for eavesdropping while you look out the window – can be more fun than talking. I’ve heard great stories about backstabbing roommates, boyfriends cheating on their girlfriends and other tales that force me to hold in my laughter.
If no one is on the bus, talk to the bus driver – they’re always friendly. Anti-social? Get onto one of the buses with several connections and stand in the middle. Now try to stay standing.
LTD is planning to unveil its EmX (short for Emerald Express, pronounced “M-X”) rapid transit system with the opening of a four-mile route connecting downtown Eugene with downtown Springfield. According to the LTD Web site, EmX promises “faster, more reliable transit service” with bus-only lanes after surveys revealed people perceive the bus as too slow.
For the sake of culture, let’s hope not. We need something to make fun of. We can only hope the “futuristic design” of the new 60-foot EmX bus is a giant duck. Now that’s a conversation starter.
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